Why We Love Talking About Ourselves

People just love to talk. We communicate with each other all day long through text messages, emails, phone calls, and face-to-face interactions. Language is a powerful communication tool that enables us to connect, to share ideas and to deepen understanding. We are social creatures and by talking to one another, we feel more connected.

Interestingly, the types of conversations we choose are astonishingly consistent. There is a recurring theme in most of what we say. Studies show that hands down, our favorite topic of communication is, you guessed it, ourselves. As Scientific American points out:

Why, in a world full of ideas to discover, develop, and discuss, do people spend the majority of their time talking about themselves? Recent research suggests a simple explanation: because it feels good.

Well, according to one study, talking about oneself activates the same areas of the brain that light up when eating good food, taking drugs and even having sex. Simply put, self-disclosure is gratifying. It gives us a neurological buzz.

Who talks more and why, is less clear. Stereotypes lead us to believe that women enjoy chatting more than men. According to science, it’s more nuanced than that. A test conducted to explore social interaction patterns found that women speak only slightly more than men in professional and social settings, and only when the number of people involved in the conversation is less than six. In large groups, men tend to dominate the conversation.

Bottom Line: Everyone’s favorite topic is the same. We all love talking about ourselves. Next time you find yourself deep in conversation, be sure to listen too. Odds are, if you let the other person talk a lot about themselves, they will think you are fascinating.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Alexandra Wolfe

Author, Journalist, New Yorker    

Potential vs Achievement: How to Stand Out

One of my favorite quotes was sung by Ella Fitzgerald:

It isn’t where you came from; it’s where you’re going that counts.

If Ella says it, it must be true. And it is. We have long assumed that the strongest candidates for anything — job or college placement — are those with résumés that are jam packed with their awards, experiences, and extraordinary accomplishments. That in order to stand out, we need to showcase our achievements.

Not so fast. A study by researchers at Harvard and Stanford yielded some surprising results about how we assess other people’s talent. It turns out that potential is far more appealing than achievement.

The study explored the preference for potential over achievement across a wide variety of settings. A rookie basketball player who demonstrated great potential was preferred over an accomplished more seasoned player who had been in the NBA for five years. A painting by an artist who was described as having potential to win a major art prize was preferred over the work of an artist who had already won a major art prize. Advertisements for a comedian who “could become the next big thing” versus “has become the next big thing” generated far more interest as measured by click rate. Applicants to a Ph.D. program with letters of recommendation emphasizing potential over achievement were considered more appealing.

Of course, just having potential isn’t enough. The study’s authors recognized that, in order to be taken seriously, you have to be a contender in the first place. In other words, potential needs to be backed up by substance. As the researchers write:

Having a horrible performance history but good potential…is unlikely to outweigh having a good performance history.

They also theorize that when a person’s achievements are truly outstanding – think Michael Jordan or Roger Federer — a preference for potential over achievement is canceled out.

These findings have broad implications for how we market ourselves and, perhaps more importantly, for how we think about ourselves. Do we dwell on the past and on what we have done or do we focus on the future and imagine what is possible?

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Get Up, Stand Up

Invasion of the killer chairs! When sofas attack! No, these aren’t titles of bad horror movies or the latest video games. It’s a reflection of what our lifestyle — one where we sit too much — is doing to us.

According to research, Americans spend 13 hours on average a day sitting down, and James Levine, an endocrinologist at the Mayo Clinic and author of Get Up!, researches what all this sitting is doing to us. He argues that chairs are lethal. They are literally killing us. The lack of movement slows down our metabolism and contributes to obesity, heart disease, arthritis, diabetes, and stress.

The good news is that simple natural movement throughout the day — not an hour of vigorous activity at the gym — can have a dramatically positive effect on health.

In one experiment, Levine compared obese and lean people who lived in similar environments and who shared similar lifestyles, diets, and jobs. They were all given “magic underwear” — an undergarment with motion sensors to collect data about how much they moved throughout the day. Not surprisingly, the obese people sat 2.25 hours longer than their thinner counterparts.

To further explore the effect of natural movement — what Levine terms “nonexercise activities” — on weight gain, Levine and his team designed the Great Gorging Experiment. Lean participants were asked to consume 1,000 more calories than usual every day for eight weeks. In spite of the overeating — a total of 56,000 extra calories over the course of the study — some participants didn’t gain any extra body fat. How did they stay skinny? According to data generated from the magic underwear, they simply moved around a lot more. What is interesting is that none of them said they made a conscious effort to do so.

In contrast, those who gained body fat in the study did not increase their movement. Instead of moving more, they reclined. They remained stuck to their chairs.

As part of a chair-free lifestyle, Levine came up with the idea of a treadmill desk 10 years ago. Studies show that people who use them are less stressed, have lower blood pressure and cholesterol and are skinnier. I got one last year and have found it to be life changing. Not only do I feel less tense at the end of the day, but I am more focused and productive.

As Levine writes:

We live amid a sea of killer chairs: adjustable, swivel, recliner, wing, club, chaise longue, sofa, arm, four-legged, three legged, wood, leather, plastic, car, plane, train, dining and bar. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you do not have to use them.

In that spirit, if you are reading this article sitting down, please stand up.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Aerin Lauder

Mother, Creative & Passionate

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?

Everything can be beautiful if you take the time.

WHAT’S ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND?

The AERIN Rose night table cream & overnight mask and our heart shagreen frame.

WHAT GIVES YOU GOOSE BUMPS?

The dentist.

WHAT IS YOUR BAD DAY BACKUP PLAN?

Cheeseburger and fries with good friends.

WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?

My family.

HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?

Success is feeling proud and passionate of what you do everyday. The values of hard work and determination were instilled in me from a very young age. I was always taught that these two elements are integral to have not only a successful business but a successful life.

BEST ADVICE YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED?

My grandmother Estee always said, “Whatever you do, do it well.”

BEST ADVICE YOU’VE EVER GIVEN?

My best advice to young people especially is always stay curious and follow your dreams.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW THAT YOU ARE EXCITED ABOUT?

I am really excited about future collaborations. We have some very exciting projects coming up in the new year which you will learn about very soon.

HOW DO YOU PRESS PAUSE?

Spending time with my family and those I love in the locations I love most – the Hamptons, Aspen, Palm Beach. Usually it involves relaxing at home all together with a cozy meal.

WHAT DID YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD SELF LOVE DOING?

I loved smelling fragrance. My earliest memories all involve scent. Growing up surrounded by fragrance, no matter where I was, there were always things to test, try and play with. I think that’s when my love of fragrance began.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE MAGIC POWER WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Being in two places at the same time. I am always trying to balance my time between work and family.

WHAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO EAT?

When my kids are sick.

WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU GRAB IN A FIRE?

My family pictures, my iPhone and my handbag full of my belongings

WHAT IS THE HARDEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE – YOUR GREATEST CHALLENGE?

The greatest challenge in my life was launching my own brand.  Putting my name on product was very exciting but also a scary time for me. Constantly creating new and fresh ideas across all of our categories and making sure to tell one brand story is exciting, yet challenging.

FAVORITE WORD?

Pretty. There is an element of delight in all aspects of the brand and I think that beauty should be pretty. It should give us joy and please all of our senses. We always try to make sure that the design, packaging, texture and colors of our product always delight.

FAVORITE WORK OF ART?

My children’s poems. I framed them and have them throughout my kitchen.

FAVORITE BOOK?

Little Women because it’s an American classic.

To learn more about Aerin, visit Aerin.com and follow her on:

Yes, You Can Cultivate Luck – Here’s How

Why do some people seem to have all the luck? Psychologist Richard Wiseman has been researching this question for most of his career and uncovered some surprising results.

By interviewing over 400 self-described lucky and unlucky people, Wiseman’s research indicates that luck isn’t “just luck”; it’s a mindset. Lucky people encounter and capitalize on chance opportunities, whereas unlucky people do not. Here’s why:

Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. They go to parties intent on finding their perfect partner and so miss opportunities to make good friends. They look through newspapers determined to find certain types of job advertisements and as a result miss other types of jobs. Lucky people are more relaxed and open and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for.

Wiseman thinks of luck as a skill that can be cultivated, not something you either have or you don’t. He describes three basic principles to generate good fortune:

1. Turn off auto-pilot

Unlucky people tend to be creatures of routine. They tend to take the same route to and from work and talk to the same types of people at parties. In contrast, many lucky people try to introduce variety into their lives.

2. Follow your intuition

Unlucky people often fail to follow their gut when making a choice, whereas lucky people tend to respect hunches. Lucky people are interested in how they both think and feel about various options rather than simply looking at the obvious.

3. Be realistically optimistic

Lucky people tend to see the positive side of their ill fortune. They imagine how things could have been worse. In one interview, a lucky volunteer arrived with his leg in a plaster cast and described how he had fallen down a flight of stairs. Wiseman asked him whether he still felt lucky, and he cheerfully explained that he felt luckier than before. As he pointed out, he could have broken his neck.

Wiseman created a “luck school” to test his hypothesis. He asked a group of lucky and unlucky volunteers to perform exercises designed to help them act and think like a lucky person: capitalize on chance opportunities, follow intuition, have positive expectations and be more resilient.

The results were dramatic: 80 percent of people were now happier, more satisfied with their lives, and, perhaps most important of all, luckier. While lucky people became luckier, the unlucky had become lucky. Take Carolyn, whom I introduced at the start of this article. After graduating from “luck school,” she has passed her driving test after three years of trying, was no longer accident-prone, and became more confident.

As the Irish proverb goes:

Luck is believing you are lucky.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman