Mother, Wife, Co-Founder of Mama & Tata
Your Brain Is A Muscle You Can Strengthen: Here’s How
“I am who I am.” I’ve heard this line from patients countless times. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is another version. Regardless of the form it takes, these statements are based on the same flawed belief that our ability, skill, and character are set in stone.
The fixation of this mindset begins early. Society labels us, and we label ourselves. A child is told he is a good or a bad listener. A high school student thinks of herself as good or bad at math. These labels become even more entrenched in adulthood.
We are especially good at knowing what we are not. It’s not unusual to hear someone say one of the following:
“I’m not a morning person.”
“I don’t eat Chinese food.”
“I’m not good at relationships.”
“Sports aren’t for me.”
“I’m not an intellectual.”
“I don’t understand art.”
“I don’t read fiction.”
“I’m not the marrying kind.”
You get the idea. When we box ourselves in, we can know only what is. We eliminate what could be. Missing from these self-definitions is any possibility of growth or potential.
Not so long ago, scientists held a similar opinion about the brain. The prevailing belief was that the adult brain was completely formed, and unchangeable. The number of connections and neurons was thought to be finite. Any notion of brain change or growth was dismissed as science fiction.
New research shows this is not the case at all. In fact, the brain is far more malleable than once thought. It responds to changing environments and situations and continues to reorganize itself throughout the lifespan.
What happens to the brains of London taxi drivers is one of my favorite examples of brain change. Unlike cabbies in other cities, London cabbies are forced to learn by heart thousands of street names and routes in order to pass a notoriously difficult licensing exam, known as The Knowledge. It requires a tremendous amount of memorization, and researchers were curious about how all this learning affects the brain. Using brain scans, they found that the part of the taxi drivers’ brains associated with memory is significantly larger than the average person’s.
In the same way that the brain is changeable and capable of adapting, so are we. Skills can be learned, abilities can be developed, and character can be cultivated. When we adopt a growth mindset, we open ourselves up to possibilities and we explore our potential. As Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford University, writes in Mindset: The New Psychology of Success:
Although people may differ in every which way—in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments—everyone can change and grow through application and experience.
Bottom line: Change is not only possible, it is within reach.
Gandhi said it best:
Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Lisa Cypers Kamen
Mom, Felicitator, Lover of Life
WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Happiness is an inside job.
WHAT’S ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND?
Mind—A Journey to the Heart of Being Human by Daniel J. Siegel, MD, and Atlas Obscura—An Explorer’s Guide to the World’s Hidden Wonders by Joshua Foer, Dylan Thuras & Ella Morton.
WHAT GIVES YOU GOOSE BUMPS?
Feeling the sun kiss my cheek in a stolen moment of solitude.
WHAT IS YOUR BAD DAY BACKUP PLAN?
Fake it until I make it. It’s true, emotion follows action.
WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
My children, my family, my voice, and getting to do what I love to do through service.
HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?
When I put my head down on my pillow each night feeling as though I have given the day my best. That I showed up for life fully and completely. Watching my children grow and evolve into their best selves.
BEST ADVICE YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED?
Many years ago a wise elderly mentor told me that we can’t always have wind in our metaphoric sails. Sometimes we just need a willingness to be still and wait for the gusts to guide us where we need to go.
BEST ADVICE YOU’VE EVER GIVEN?
To trust and know we can’t always have wind in our metaphoric sails. Sometimes we just need a willingness to be still and wait for the gusts to guide us where we need to go.
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW THAT YOU ARE EXCITED ABOUT?
My new book Are We Happy Yet? Eight Keys for Unlocking a Joyful Life will be published on March 20, 2017 which just happens to coincide with the United Nation’s International Day of Happiness.
HOW DO YOU PRESS PAUSE?
I go for hike.
WHAT DID YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD SELF LOVE DOING?
Hiking, horseback riding, and archery.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE MAGIC POWER WHAT WOULD IT BE?
To fly.
WHAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO EAT?
Being in flow doing any activity I love = rapture.
WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU GRAB IN A FIRE?
This actually happened to me many years ago and this is what I did grab: My two kids and as many photos as we could carry.
WHAT IS THE HARDEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE – YOUR GREATEST CHALLENGE?
Walking my “happiness is an inside job” talk as a result of losing everything during the recession in 2008 including my marriage, homes, investments, wealth, social standing, and my sense of security. At the time, I had recently finished graduate school for my master’s degree in spiritual psychology and had been a very privileged stay-at-home mom who suddenly found herself without a home or financial resources. And, I discovered a vast amount of previously untapped rich internal fortitude.
Fortunately, I had not lost my mind, humor, intelligence, or fierce determination to rebuild a life of deeper meaning and redefined prosperity for my family. I pulled myself (and my kids) through a set of very traumatic circumstances and began building a business based on cultivating sustainable happiness, well-being, and human flourishing in service to those who are challenged by adversity.
As a result of the worst period of my life, I discovered the best parts of myself and got very busy making a shift happen. I founded Harvesting Happiness, a lifestyle management consultancy devoted to supporting those experiencing life-crises such as addiction, trauma, medical emergencies, divorce, legal matters, and other significant struggles such as empty-nesting, aging parents, and death.
My biggest challenge also turned out to be my greatest invitation to unleash my creativity through writing books, making documentary films, and hosting Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio, a globally syndicated podcast series profiling a variety of thought-leaders and change-agents offering tips and strategies to help others thrive with greater passion, purpose, place, and meaning in their lives.
My hardest (and scariest) challenge turned out to be one of the greatest opportunities for growth, transcendence, and transformation. This was a most valuable gift that money could not buy.
FAVORITE WORD? WHY?
Rapture. When I feel rapture, I experience the epitome of a complete and total present moment. I am grounded right here, right now without regret about the past or worry about the future. Rapture is the sublime combination of supreme ecstasy, bliss, euphoria, elation, joy, enchantment, delight, and happiness all rolled up into one juicy experience. It’s about being rather than doing.
FAVORITE WORK OF ART? WHY?
Life. It’s the most creative canvas I can imagine.
FAVORITE BOOK? WHY?
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s hands down one of the smallest, smartest and most no non-sense handbooks for life. Be impeccable you’re your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best. Smart, very smart.
To learn more about Lisa, visit her website to tune in to Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio, and follow her on:
Feeling Down Post-Election? Tap into Your Resilience Reserves
Since Tuesday, I have heard from patients, friends, and co-workers who are having a difficult time processing the outcome of the election. While I cannot make your pain go away, I want to share some thoughts on how to stay strong during this challenging time. You are more resilient than you know, and now is the moment to tap into your resilience reserves.
1. Get Out of Bed
As tempting as it may be to hide under your duvet and not go to work or class, this will only exacerbate how bad you feel. Maintaining your routine during a difficult time is one of the best ways to get through it. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Take your exams. Go to the office. Attend to your responsibilities. You will feel stronger within your stress.
2. Hit the Trail
Take inspiration from that image of Hillary Clinton hiking in the woods with her dogs two days after the election. Nature is one of the best remedies for heartbreak and sadness.
3. Take Care of Yourself
Inhaling a tub of ice cream, drinking tequila, and staying up late may numb the pain in the moment but erode the resiliency reserves you need. Prioritize sleep, eating well, and exercise. You are in charge of these choices. On that note…
4. Recognize What You Can and Can’t Control
There are events and things in life that are beyond your control. Focus your time and energy on what you have control over — like your actions, your attitude, your generosity, and your forgiveness.
5. Be the Change
Embrace learning mode and action mode, not hate mode. When difficulty arises, stress-hardy people ask themselves, “What can I learn from this?” Along these lines, be informed. Don’t rely on soundbites and social media. Make the extra effort to seek out reliable sources.
6. The Power of Words
Use language that reflects your values and that empowers you. Language that communicates helplessness, hopelessness, and hate undermines resilience and progress.
7. Be Your Best Self
If there was ever a moment to be the best version of yourself it is now. If you embrace compassion, empathy, tolerance and integrity, it will bring out the best in others. Starbucks CEO Howard Schulz’s letter to his employees captures the value of compassion at this critical moment:
Start today by recognizing the power we have to walk in someone else’s shoes, to demonstrate understanding, and to strip away the differences that divide us. Let’s each embrace the universal virtues of respect and dignity, refusing to allow the hatred on cable news, the ugliness of our politics, and the lack of political role models for our kids to define us and to dictate how we treat each other.
8. Focus on the Future
There is no benefit in wallowing in why or what if. For your friends, for your family, for your country and perhaps most importantly, for those you don’t know, be a force that helps our country move in a positive direction. Every year, two years and four years, you have the Constitutional privilege to vote again.
As Schulz concludes:
Rise above this moment to be the person that makes a positive difference in your neighborhood and community. Be the person who makes your family proud. Be the person who embodies the promise of America so others may see and feel the possibilities that come with being an American.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
