Research of the X -rated variety indicates that the more time spent between the sheets is time very well spent.
It’s estimated that half an hour of sex burns 144 calories – the equivalent of an easy-paced 30 minutes on a stationary bike. In addition to cardio, a recent study found that oxytocin, a chemical in the brain released during sex, lowers the stress chemical cortisol and may signal your body to stop storing fat in your midsection. An additional benefit is that sexual activity reduces snacking.
Burnt calories and a better body aren’t the only benefits of sex. Across multiple studies, researchers have found a connection between sex and increased neurogenesis in the hippocampus. In laymen’s terms, the findings suggest that more sex means better memory, greater learning capabilities and increased analytical thinking.
While scholars and orthopedic surgeons alike may roll their eyeballs at a pair of hair-covered Gucci slides or one of Fashion Week’s towering Ziggy Stardust platforms, the science is in. Shoes matter.
Researchersat the University of Kansas found that character assessments based on shoes were surprisingly accurate. Sixty-three students looked at images of 200 peoples’ shoes and guessed psychological profiles: a more relaxed and laid back person had worn-in shoes and pristine shoes indicated someone more likely concerned with appearance and, interestingly, prone to attachment anxiety or a fear of abandonment.
Shoes speak volumes about our psychological state of mind, and they also affect the way we move and how other people judge our physical appearance. Walking in a pair of stilettos is a vastly different experience than walking in sneakers. We literally move differently, and it’s not just about comfort. Who doesn’t have a bit of extra swagger and attitude when wearing statement shoes?
A recentstudytakes this a step, pardon me, further. The researchers suggest an evolutionary explanation for the enduring popularity of high heels. In the study, women and men were asked to watch videos of women walking in high heels or flats and then judge their attractiveness. The women in heels scored higher. The researchers believe “high heels may have the effect of exaggerating the sex-specific aspects of female gait” like pelvic rotation, hip movement, and shorter steps. In other words, heels will make your hips sway suggestively.
Shoes are clearly more than just a fashion statement. They affect our behavior in ways we never realized. Another recent study suggests that wearing high heels while shopping may curb overspending. According to the study, consumers experiencing a heightened sense of balance — as one does in high heels — may weigh their options more carefully.
Who would have thought buying a pair of high heels could promote bargain hunting?
Learning to “fight better” is a common theme in couple’s therapy. Don’t use the phrase “you always…” stick to the issue at hand, and by all means avoid saying anything negative about the other person’s mother.
Less focused upon and, in fact, a more effective strategy is learning how to celebrate one another. According to research, how we respond to our loved one’s good news is a better predictor of relationship quality than how couples handle disagreements.
In her research, Shelly Gable, professor of psychology at the University of California, demonstrates the benefits of responding with enthusiasm and support when a partner shares good news.
For example, imagine Maria comes home from her job as an associate at a law firm and excitedly tells her husband that she has been assigned to be the lead lawyer on a big case. Her husband might respond in one of the four following ways:
1. Active Constructive Response:
“That’s awesome! What is the case about? Your hard work is really paying off. I am so excited for you. Tell me all about it.” He expresses genuine curiosity and actively listens to Maria tell him about it.
2. Passive Constructive Response:
“That’s nice dear,” he mutters while checking email.
3. Active Destructive Response:
“Are you sure you can handle it? That is going to be a lot of work. Maybe no one else wanted the case.” He focuses on the negative.
4. Passive Destructive Response:
“You will never believe what happened to me today!” He hijacks the conversation to be about him.
The first one, the active constructive response, is the only response style associated with higher relationship quality and greater personal wellbeing. Studies show this style brings couples closer and enhances connection. The other three styles are all negatively associated with relationship quality.
Research shows active constructive responding is beneficial in all types of relationships—with friends, students, co-workers and children. It is about expressing interest and genuine curiosity in something a loved one shares and cares about.
Here is your assignment for the next week:
Listen carefully the next time someone you care about tells you something good that happened to them. It need not be earth shattering. Small good news is more than enough. It may be as simple as them showing you an article in a newspaper that interests them or telling you about a book they just finished. Give them your full attention. Look up from your phone. Ask questions. Relive the moment with them. It may feel strange at the beginning, especially for those who feel inclined to be the “voice of reason” but give it time.
It goes without saying that being there for a loved one during tough times is important.
Conventional wisdom tells us it is best to avoid conflict in a relationship. After all, arguments tend to bring out our least appealing qualities: pettiness, hostility, and indifference, just to name a few.
But disagreements are inevitable. The temperature of the bedroom at night, the cap on the toothpaste, and how long the in-laws are staying are all potential minefields. But not all conflicts are bad. There is evidence that arguing can be good for a relationship; the key is how you argue. As long as you show respect and that you appreciate how the other person feels, conflicts will not damage your relationship. They might even bring you closer. If you are not on the same page about an issue, resist the temptation to be dismissive or hostile, which can send a crystal-clear message that you don’t care. Making the effort to understand people’s perspectives shows them that their point of view matters and that they are important to you.
So instead of avoiding disagreements, aim for courteous conflict instead. Adam Grant, professor of management and psychology at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, offered the following blueprint
in The New York Times:
1. “Frame the argument as a debate rather than a conflict.”
2. “Argue as if you’re right, but listen as if you’re wrong.”
3. Give the benefit of the doubt: “Make the most respectful interpretation of the other person’s perspective.”
4. “Acknowledge where you agree with your critics and what you’ve learned from them.”
You cannot agree on everything, but as long as you respect each other and communicate effectively, your relationship can not only survive disagreements but thrive working through them. Remember, love is respect.
I lose my phone at least once a day and end up finding it in a drawer or some stealth pocket of a handbag I didn’t even realize existed. Sometimes it’s right in front of me, mocking me with its steely veneer.
According to research, daily hassles like misplacing one’s phone or keys, getting caught in traffic jams, and seemingly minor arguments with family or colleagues take a toll on mental health in the long run. Although they are not as extreme as serious life events, research shows they affect us even more:
Life events do not occur every day, but daily hassles do; its the constant, daily frustration caused by these hassles that cause us the most stress, because they occur so regularly and therefore can undermine our health.
In other words, the little things can really bring us down and take a toll on our health. How we respond to these seemingly minor daily events is what really counts:
Results suggest that daily stressors cause wear and tear on emotional well-being and…how people experience daily negative affect and respond to the negative events in their lives is important to future well-being.
Here are eight strategies to reduce your daily stress:
1. Resist turning the TV or checking email first thing in the morning and before bed.
2. Read the Skimm instead of watching TV for a great overview of the news.
3. Meditate: just five minutes a day helps.
4. Designate a place where keys and cellphones live.
5. Spend time in nature or at least outdoors
6. Take the stairs.
7. Avoid eating at your desk.
8. Give yourself 15 minutes of grace time to arrive at your destination.
For the politically minded, 44% of those who experience a great deal of stress say hearing about politics makes it worse. Clearly we are going to need all the help we can get as we gear up for the 2020 elections.
Your cell phone may put the world at your fingertips but it may also be making those closest to you feel like you are a million miles away. Romantic relationships are particularly vulnerable. As modern day philosopher Alain de Botton, keenly observed,
The constant challenge of modern relationships: how to prove more interesting than the other’s smartphone.
“Partner phone snubbing” or “phubbing” (it’s actually a thing!) describes the habit of getting lost in your cell phone while in the company of your significant other. It is no surprise that phubbing is toxic for your love life. Research shows it leads to conflict, lower relationship satisfaction and ultimately, unhappiness.
As one researcher explains:
Cell phone use can undermine the bedrock of our happiness—our relationships with our romantic partners.
It’s the behavior that accompanies the all-too-frequently used phrase: “Sorry, I was just checking my phone. What did you say?” or even worse, indifference or total disregard.
If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you may be unintentionally sending your partner a message that you value your phone more than you value them:
Do you place your cell phone where you can see it whenever you are together?
Do you keep your phone in your hand when you are with your partner?
Do you glance at your phone when you are talking to your partner?
Whenever there is a lull in the conversation, do you check your phone?
Even seemingly minor distractions that may not seem like a big deal in the moment (“Sorry, I was just reading a text.”) can take a toll over the long run. Giving your partner your full attention seems to be the key.
Studies show that those who warmly turned toward their partner when their attention is summoned and express interest, who look up from their book or newspaper and actively engage in what their partner is trying to show them, are more likely to stay together. Those who cannot be bothered to look up, who keep doing what they are doing, who respond with hostility, “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?” are more likely to separate.
The good news is that with a little effort, it is easy to tame the technology beast.
1. Plan ahead
Take care of unfinished business before going out on a date so you don’t have to check your phone throughout dinner.
2. Prioritize
Face-to-face time trumps face-to-phone time every single time.
3. Out of sight
Leave the phone in the bottom of your handbag or in a drawer. Better yet, turn it off.
4. Fess up
If you are expecting an important email from your boss, tell your partner. Create a special notification. At least your date will know you are not mindlessly thumbing through Instagram.
5. Resist the urge
Before reaching for your phone, ask yourself, “Is this urgent or important?” Texts and Facebook updates may feel urgent but they are not as important as the person you are with. Being “half-there” is damaging for any relationship. Make the choice to put your phone away when you are together, be it at dinner, while you’re driving somewhere, watching a movie, or going for a walk.
So, when it the best time to use your phone? When you are alone.
