All or Nothing

I just love dessert. If you give me a cookie, I will eat every single crumb. For years I tried to be one of those “I’ll just have a little bite” types but it never worked. Thanks to Gretchen Rubin, author of Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, I have a better understanding of why moderation doesn’t work for me and what to do instead:

Some people are Abstainers, some are Moderators. Abstainers find it easier to give something up altogether than to indulge in moderation. Moderators do better when they indulge in moderation. Because our culture holds up moderation as the ideal, people often persist in trying to act like Moderators, even when it doesn’t work for them.

Discovering I am an Abstainer has been liberating. It is far easier for me to say, “I don’t eat dessert,” and to skip it entirely than to torture myself with trying to eat just a little. It is easier not to eat a cookie at all than to eat one. I feel much better and more in control.

Of course, some people are terrific Moderators—I have a friend who can keep an open bag of M&M’s in her desk drawer for weeks on end. Not me. If I eat one I will eat the entire bag. It’s all or nothing.

I have a similar issue with technology. If my phone is within reach, I will check it. I cannot help myself. The only way to stop myself from checking it is by putting it away. So now, when I get home in the evening, I deliberately leave it in a desk drawer until after dinner and after my children are asleep.

Habits are powerful. As Rubin describes, they are “the invisible architecture of our everyday lives.” In fact, studies show we repeat about 40 percent of our behavior almost daily. Think about that for a moment. For almost half of the day, you are on autopilot, doing what you do without thinking about it.

There are good habits like brushing your teeth, taking a shower, going for a run, writing thank you letters and greeting the receptionist with a smile. And there are bad habits—automatically ordering a grande frappuccino every afternoon, checking email first thing in the morning, and mindlessly eating in front of the television.

The good news is that habit change – as outlined in Rubin’s book – is possible, and by changing our habits we can change our lives.

We are all creatures of habit. Why not make them good ones?

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Is Your Tiny Screen Bad for Your Self-Esteem?

There are a thousand reasons to put down your cell phone. Not only does it lead to smartphone face (the saggy jowls plastic surgeons increasingly see in people who look down all the time), it disrupts dinners, steals precious time away from loved ones, and blinds us to what is urgent versus what is important.

If those reasons aren’t enough to convince you, perhaps this will. New research shows smartphones are ruining your posture AND ruining your mood. Harvard professor Amy Cuddy explains:

The average head weighs about 10 to 12 pounds. When we bend our necks forward 60 degrees, as we do to use our phones, the effective stress on our neck increases to 60 pounds—the weight of about five gallons of paint.

Yes, those “dowagers’ humps” usually observed in great grandmothers (when the upper back is frozen in a C-curve) is now common among people much younger.

In addition to being bad for your back, slouching is terrible for your mood. When you are sad or upset, your body language shifts, sometimes in imperceptible ways. You hunch your shoulders, you cross your arms, you look down.

Research shows the opposite is true too. Bad posture can actually lead to a bad mood. Participants in a study who were asked to sit in a slouched position reported significantly lower-self esteem, a worse mood and greater fear than those who were asked to sit upright.

As Cuddy comments:

Ironically, while many of us spend hours every day using small mobile devices to increase our productivity and efficiency, interacting with these objects, even for short periods of time, might do just the opposite, reducing our assertiveness and undermining our productivity.

In other words, put down that iPhone and slowly back away.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

If You Need to Remember Something, Do This

People always say that the best way to remember something is to write it down. In college, I took this advice to heart. I would take copious notes during a lecture and then recopy them afterward. I always thought this was a pretty good strategy to commit the material to memory.

Research suggests a more effective strategy to boost recall. Instead of writing something down, draw it. As the lead author of the study explains:

We pitted drawing against a number of other known encoding strategies, but drawing always came out on top. We believe that the benefit arises because drawing helps to create a more cohesive memory trace that better integrates visual, motor, and semantic information.

Drawing the information outperformed writing it down, creating mental images of it and viewing pictures of it. Indeed, a simple sketch turns out to be an excellent memory enhancer.

Fret not if you are not Picasso. The good news is that the quality of the drawings doesn’t seem to matter much. Taking four seconds to draw a rough picture is enough to gain a “huge advantage” in memory.

Wish me luck drawing my “to do” list.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

The Science-Backed Power of Clothes

When I was a little girl, I loved playing dress-up. It didn’t take much. A red napkin magically became a superhero’s cape, and I became Wonder Woman. A red, white and blue leotard transformed me into Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton. Green scrubs and a plastic stethoscope turned me into a surgeon. I especially loved stomping around in my mother’s high heels, and it wasn’t just because of the extra height—they gave me attitude. When I was wearing those shoes, I felt powerful and my older sister felt just a little less intimidating. As it turns out, clothes have just as much of an impact on adults.

They affect the way see ourselves

Children are not the only ones affected by clothes. What you wear can affect how you feel. Consider how vulnerable you feel in a hospital gown. Compare that to how empowered you feel in a power suit or in a great dress. Studies show that clothing can influence your posture, body language, motivation and even mood. The right outfit can enhance creativity, focus and negotiation skills. Clothes certainly impact how other people see us. People make snap judgments about us based on our appearance, especially when it comes to what we are wearing. But what we wear has meaning beyond what the outside world sees and perceives; it also affects the way we perceive ourselves.

What we wear can improve our focus

For example, in one study, volunteers who were asked to wear a doctor’s lab coat demonstrated greater concentration than those who did not sport a lab coat. It’s believed that the symbolic meaning of the white coat and the physical experience of wearing it account for the difference in the volunteers’ ability to focus.

Clothes can turn a bad day around

Related research highlights how getting dressed up promotes abstract thinking and provides perspective. This can be especially helpful when things aren’t going your way. When you look your best, it’s easier to see the big picture and not take criticism too personally. The right outfit can help you feel strong when you need it the most—it can serve as both armor and inspiration. For those who are allergic to the idea of wearing a tie or putting on formal attire, I doubt the effect would hold. But for those who love getting dressed up, like yours truly, this is an excellent excuse to wear a pretty dress.

Fashion is a tool for self-expression

Of course, there are people who tell us that fashion is a waste of time and that clothes are superficial. “In a world full of far more important matters to think about, why on earth,” they ask, “should what we wear occupy a moment’s thought?” But as Alison Lurie argues in The Language of Clothes, clothing is about so much more than getting dressed: “Occasionally people tell us that fashion is unnecessary; that in the ideal world of the future we will all wear some sort of identical jumpsuit—washable, waterproof, stretchable, temperature-controlled, timeless, ageless and sexless. What a convenience, what a relief it will be, they say, never to worry about how to dress for a job interview, a romantic tryst or a funeral! Convenient perhaps, but not exactly a relief.”

While it might be easier to get dressed in the morning in a fashion-free utopia, we would miss the pleasure and privilege of self-expression. Moreover, many of us would miss the transformative magic of dressing the part. Choose clothes that bring out the best in you, that elevate you and that make you feel strong and beautiful. Never underestimate the power of a great outfit to help you thrive on good days and to fortify you on tough ones.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Are You F.A.T & Happy?

What would you think if a friend walked past you on the street and didn’t stop to say hello?  Would you be hurt because you felt she purposefully ignored you? Would you worry you had recently done something to offend her? Would you be concerned that she isn’t going to invite you to her birthday party next month?

Instead of falling into a downward spiral of negative thinking that consumes you, get F.A.T. Getting F.A.T. isn’t about packing on the pounds, it’s about thinking Flexibly, Accurately and Thoroughly, all of which are linked to resilience.

Alternate explanations exist for your friend’s behavior: perhaps she’d just been to the eye doctor and her eyes were dilated, perhaps she was lost in her thoughts, perhaps she just didn’t see you.

In their book, The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles, Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte define resilience as the capacity to respond to adversity in healthy and productive ways. They highlight how important resilience is for wellbeing and moreover, that it can be taught.

Keep in mind that there’s more to resilience than recovering from serious setbacks. The skills of resilience are as important to broadening and enriching one’s everyday life as they are to dealing with major disappointments.

Our emotions and behaviors are triggered not by events themselves but how we interpret them. Gather the facts and be sure you have all the information before engaging in black and white thinking or jumping to any conclusions.

I assure you, the most resilient people are F.A.T…thinkers.

In the words of Darwin:

It is not the strongest of the species that survives…It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman