Can You Teach Yourself to Be More Optimistic?

The benefits of optimism cannot be ignored. Optimism is associated with vitality, positive moods, increased well-being, better mental and physical health and less anxiety and depression.

Optimists are also be more likable and fun to be around.

The good news is that even Debbie Downers can learn how to be more optimistic.

Keeping a “Best Possible Selves Diary” is the top recommendation of Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky. It entails envisioning your best possible future and writing it down.

Volunteers who kept a “Best Possible Selves Diary” exhibited increases in optimism, better moods and fewer physical complaints.

Of course it does not guarantee a future full of fairy dust and unicorns, but it certainly helps keep things in perspective and reminds us to focus on what matters most. A positive vision of the future provides confidence, and confidence, in turn, spurs an investment of time and effort in meaningful activities and provides a sense of purpose.

Here’s your homework:

Take 20 minutes and envision yourself in the future. Imagine yourself as the best possible you. Now write it down.

For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use being anything else 

– Winston Churchill

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Charm School: 3 Ways to Make Yourself Irresistible

Some people are like sunspots. Adam Gopnik’s description of Richard Avedon captures this incandescent quality perfectly:

To know Dick Avedon was to know the sun. He radiated out, early and daily, on a circle of friends and family and colleagues, who drew on his light and warmth for sustenance…. To know him was to feel in the presence of the sun…

Indeed, some people are so magnetic that we feel a gravitational pull towards them. We describe this quality as “charisma” and most people think of it as something you are either born with or not.  However, as illustrated in Olivia Fox Cabane’s The Charisma Myth, this is not the case. In fact, charisma is a skill that can be learned.

Cabane offers three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:

1. Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.

2. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.

3. Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

According to Cabane, charisma is the coming together of three essential elements: Presence, Power and Warmth. This magic combination enhances our own experience and how others experience us:

If you’re a leader, or aspire to be one, charisma matters. It gives you a competitive advantage in attracting and retaining the very best talent. It makes people want to work with you, your team, and your company. Research shows that those following charismatic leaders perform better, experience their work as more meaningful, and have more trust in their leader.

 

It’s absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. 

– Oscar Wilde

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Is it All in Your Head?

“Is it all my head?” Patients ask me this question all the time. Perception is powerful. What you focus on shapes what you experience.

Here is an example. A recent study found that back and shoulder pain in middle school children was more closely associated with a perception of their backpacks’ weight than with the actual weight of the bag. In other words, if a child thinks her backpack is heavy, the more likely it is she will report pain. Even if it is heavy but she doesn’t think of it as heavy, the less likely she is to experience discomfort.

Examples like these abound. Your perceptions influence what happens. Perceptions can also influence behavior:

Time and again, research has demonstrated the power of an individual’s self-fulfilling prophecies – if you envision yourself tripping as you walk across a stage, you will be more likely to stumble and fall. New evidence suggests that previous studies have underestimated not only the effect of our own negative prophecies, but also the power of others’ false beliefs in promoting negative outcomes.

In one eye-opening experiment, researchers tested whether parents’ negative expectations could predict alcohol consumption in their teenagers over the course of the year. The teens also filled out questionnaires about their drinking habits before and after the experiment. Parents who expected their children to drink reported drinking more. According to one researcher:

Higher expectations for risk-taking and rebelliousness predict higher levels of problem behavior, even controlling for many other predictors of such behavior.

The predictions you make are powerful. I don’t recommend unbridled Pollyanna optimism but a dose of realistic optimism—combining a positive mindset with and understanding of the challenge—can make all the difference.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Stuck in A Rut? 5 Ways to Dig Yourself Out

“Are you really a psychiatrist? Well then, can I ask you a question?” I often find myself in a situation like this in which someone I barely know—a friend of a friend, a stranger on an airplane, a salesperson in a store—shares their story and asks me questions about their lives. They feel trapped—in the wrong job, with the wrong partner, or in the wrong life. Feeling stuck is a recurring theme.

“I am who I am,” they tell me. “Not so fast,” I reply. There are a number of ways to get unstuck and they don’t require radical change. They simply require you to open your mind.

1. Say “yes” to the thing you initially want to say no to:

Instead of retreating into your comfort zone, seize the opportunity to do something new like meeting new friends or working on a new project at the office.

2. Banish the words “I can’t” from your vocabulary:

Micro-defeatist thoughts perpetuate self-imposed fallacies, avoidance reflexes, and the lies we tell ourselves.

3. Turn off the Avoidance Instinct:

It may be our evolutionary heritage to resist unfamiliar situations but it is outdated. Embrace uncertainty. It is a sign you are becoming unstuck.

4. Break your routine:

Routines often go hand in hand with feeling stuck. Do you always go to the same vacation spot? Do you always have brunch at the same place with the same people on Sunday? It’s time for a change.

5. Change your outfit:

Studies show our clothes shape how we feel. It’s one of the reasons people like getting dressed up on Halloween. They get to “be” someone else. Notice how differently you feel when you wear clothes that feel “un-you.” It may help you feel more open-minded, more attractive, and less stuck.

By embracing just one of these strategies, you give yourself the courage and the opportunity to get unstuck in other ways too.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

This Post Can Save Your Life

If you are ever in need of emergency aid, you better hope that there are NOT a lot of people around. In fact, you would have a better chance of survival if a single bystander, rather than a crowd, were present.

Why? Because responsibility is diffused as the number of observers increases. Each individual assumes that someone else will step in to help. Countless real life examples exist and studies back this up. It is known as the “bystander effect.”

The bystander effect is powerful. As one study illustrates, a person who appeared to be having a seizure received help 85% of the time when there was a single bystander but only 31% of the time when there were multiple bystanders. It is not that people in groups are callous or cold, they just think someone else will take action.

Knowing this can be the difference between life and death. If you ever find yourself requiring emergency aid in the midst of a crowd, do the following:

Isolate one individual from the crowd. Stare, speak, and point directly at that person and no one else: “You, sir, in the blue jacket, I need help. Call an ambulance.”

The idea is to pick out one person from the crowd and assign a task to them. Otherwise everyone else in the crowd may assume that someone else should help, will help or has helped.

So much for safety in numbers.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

What is the Path to Passion?

Everyone loves a shortcut. It’s in our DNA. Why expend precious energy, effort or time if you don’t have to? Get Rich in 10 days, Lose 12 Pounds in a Week, Just Two Weeks to a Better Love Life are but a few examples.

Some shortcuts work well. Who doesn’t love a moisturizer that also has sunscreen in it? But some shortcuts—especially the ones that distance us from an experience and other people—can leave us feeling shortchanged.

There is no substitute for hard work. Research underscores the virtue of skipping the short cut and opting for the long cut instead. In a study of entrepreneurs, those who said they put in a great deal of effort into their budding business in the past week were more excited about their work:

The previous week’s effort influenced this week’s effort, such that more effort led to more passion.

The harder they worked, the more passionate they became. This runs counter to what many people believe—that passion is a necessary ingredient for hard work.

More often than not, it is the other way around. The more effort you put into something, the more committed you become.

I notice this with my patients all the time. As one young woman recently remarked:

The moment I started trying at school, I mean really trying not ‘pretend trying,’ my classes became so much more interesting. It makes a difference when I actually do my homework and do the reading. These teachers are actually pretty smart. Who knew?

Passion doesn’t emerge from a vacuum. It takes genuine effort and a great deal of hard work.

Steve Jobs said, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” I would argue that the only way to love what you do is to do great work.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman