If the subway is pulling away just as you reach the platform do you take it personally? Will it affect the rest of your day? Do you become angry with yourself for not leaving earlier? Does self-loathing spill over into other areas in your life?

Alternatively, do you shrug off the missed train and think to yourself surely another one is on the way? As annoying as it may be, you don’t let it cast a shadow over the rest of your day or affect your mood.

How we respond to life’s curveballs—both big and small— is known as our explanatory style. It has broad implications for our physical and mental health.

In Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman discusses explanatory style in depth. He describes three crucial dimensions: Permanence, Pervasiveness and Personalization – the three poisonous Ps:

Permanence

Believing that the causes of bad events are unchangeable is a pessimistic explanatory style. In comparison, people who resist helplessness believe the causes of bad events are time-limited and apply to the situation at a given moment. Permanent explanations for bad events produce long-lasting helplessness whereas temporary explanations foster resilience.

Pervasiveness

Over-generalizing—the tendency to make universal explanations—when bag things happen is a pessimistic way to approach a challenge. Rather than persevering, people with this explanatory style tend to give up quickly when failure strikes. On the other hand, recognizing that failure in one area doesn’t necessarily predict failure in another keeps things in perspective and is a reminder to keep on trying.

Personalization

When bad things happen, even things beyond their control, “personalizers” tend to blame themselves and feel helpless. Not taking things too personally is a more effective strategy if you want to stay hopeful and optimistic.

Avoiding these The Three Poisonous Ps — the thinking traps outlined above — engenders a positive outlook and a “can do” attitude.  As we have written about before, mindsets are powerful and can shape our behavior and experience.

In summary, don’t take things personally, always maintain perspective and see the potential beyond adversity.

Think of a setback as a challenge not an exclamation point.

Can a role model really make a difference? Absolutely. Having someone to look up to who models positive behavior builds resilience. Studies show that adolescents with an identifiable role model have higher grades and greater self-esteem than those who don’t.

The following example highlights just how powerful and inspiring a role model can be.

In 2009 Michelle Obama visited the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson (EGA) school, a London public school for girls, many of who come from low-income families. Mrs. Obama didn’t give a generic speech about being a good student. Instead she spoke to the girls about her own experience growing up in a poor neighborhood in Chicago with few options. She talked about how she overcame challenges and made school a priority. Through hard work, she told them how she found a way out and made it to Princeton, to Harvard Law School and ultimately landed a job at a prestigious law firm.

In her words:

…there was nothing in my story that would land me here. I wasn’t raised with wealth or resources or any social standing to speak of. If you want to know the reason why I’m standing here, it’s because of education. I never cut class. I liked being smart. I loved being on time. I loved getting my work done. I thought being smart was cooler than anything in the world.

Mrs. Obama kept in touch. Two years later she met with the same students at Oxford and told them, “it’s important that you know this – all of us believe that you belong here.”

The students took Mrs. Obama’s inspirational message to heart. Following their interaction with the First Lady, their academic performance significantly improved. The girls did much better than their peers across London suggesting the results were specific to EGA (Elizabeth Garrett Anderson). Economist Simon Burgess analyzed exam results and found dramatic improvement in test scores that could not be explained by any other interventions at the school. Of course it is possible that it was just a coincidence or that the teachers did something different with the class but Mr. Burgess thinks otherwise:

The bulk of the evidence reported here supports the idea that GCSE (General Certificate of Secondary Education—an exam taken in the equivalent of 11^th grade) performance at EGA improved substantially following Michelle Obama’s visits.

Mrs. Obama’s inspiration story boosted the students’ belief in their own potential and capacity to succeed. As Burgess concludes, an “I did this, you can too” can be a powerful message indeed.

Pretty much everyone hates Mondays but there is an excellent reason to feel a little less hostile towards the first day of the week. According to research from the University of Pennsylvania, Mondays are the perfect day to tackle a new goal because you are more naturally motivated at the beginning of a new week to make a positive change.

People are more likely to visit the gym, to think about their health, to commit to pursue a new goal like quitting smoking and to Google the word “diet” on Mondays. Of course there are dozens of new beginnings throughout the year – New Year’s, birthdays, the first day of the month, and a new semester when aspirational behavior peaks—but Mondays are weekly opportunities to start anew and harness the motivation that accompanies a new beginning. Even if you cannot sustain the “new you” this week, opportunities to try again abound.

Psychologists call this “the fresh start effect.” Every Monday is an opportunity to leave the past behind and to start over. It’s the psychological equivalent of pressing the refresh button. Researchers believe these “turn the page” days have a positive effect because they provide perspective and take us off autopilot. As the researchers explain, Mondays are:

…temporal landmarks [that] interrupt attention to day-to-day minutiae, causing people to take a big-picture view of their lives and thus focus more on achieving their goals.

Psychologically, Mondays are a blank slate, a brand new start. When you reframe Monday as an opportunity to adopt a new habit and initiate a positive change rather than repetition of the same old stuff, you no longer need to dread them quite as much.

When someone steps on my foot, I am the first to say, “I’m sorry.” I apologize for the weather, for terrible traffic, the long line at CVS and dozen of other undesirable situations that I am not responsible for.

I am not the only one who is inflicted with “Sorry Syndrome.” Many of my patients, especially women, tell me they insert “Sorry” into any sentence that contains a request.

“Sorry, may I have a glass of water?”

“Sorry, can I ask a question?”

“Sorry, where is the bathroom?”

Knowing how to apologize for something you regret is one thing. Apologizing for basically existing is another. As columnist Jessica Bennett writes:

Sorry is a crutch — a tyrannical lady-crutch. It’s a space filler, a hedge, a way to politely ask for something without offending, to appear “soft” while making a demand.

So why do we insist on making on apologizing for no reason? A Harvard Business School study provides a possible explanation. According to the research, superfluous apologies build trust. In the study, an actor approached strangers in a train station on a rainy day and requested to borrow their phone. Half of the time, the actor prefaced his request with “I’m sorry about the rain!” The other half of the time, the actor went straight to the point and asked, “Can I borrow your cell phone?” Apologizing for the rain made a big difference: forty-seven percent of strangers offered their phone if the actor apologized for the rain. Only nine percent did without the apology. As the authors conclude:

Superfluous apologies represent a powerful and easy-to-use tool for social influence. Even in the absence of culpability, individuals can increase trust and liking by saying ‘I’m sorry’ – even if they are merely ‘sorry’ about the rain.

Building trust is important but does not justify apologizing for every little thing. If you want to reduce the number of superfluous apologies that roll off your tongue, consider replacing “sorry” with “thank you.”

For example, instead of saying, “Sorry for rambling” you can say, “Thank you for listening.” Instead of saying “Sorry” when you move past someone on a train, you can say “Thank you for making room.”

A recent article in The Atlantic highlights the benefits of replacing an apology with gratitude:

Sorry you had to do that” is not only a rejection of their nice gesture, a lot of times, it makes it weird. “Thank you for doing that” is recognizing and accepting their kindness.

On that note, thank you for reading this article.