Are you happy?

The moment someone asks you this question, you start analyzing how happy you are.  “Am I happy? Am I really happy?” you ask yourself.  Existential angst creeps in. The more you think about it, the more anxious you become.

Studies show that the more we think about happiness and how to pursue it, the less likely we are to find it.

Valuing happiness may be self-defeating. Leading people to value happiness more made them feel less happy.

The problem may stem from the way we view happiness. The emphasis on personal happiness – like buying the best stuff and finding the best job leads to too much self-focus. 

As Palmer Thomson points out:

No one ever died saying, ‘I’m sure glad for the self-centered, self-serving and self-protective life if lived.’

Indeed, there is more to life than being happy all the time. Having a sense of meaning may be the secret sauce of a life well lived.

Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided. If anything, pure happiness is linked to not helping others in need.

Bottom Line: doing good is more important than feeling good.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best:

Happiness is not a goal…it’s a by-product of a life well lived.

Stop telling me what to do!

How many arguments grow out of this rebellious sentiment? Nobody likes to be bossed around. Most of us want to defy any finger-wagging, self-appointed, self-righteous authority. For the record, nagging and barking orders doesn’t actually work.

So, if you cannot change someone’s behavior by telling them what do, what can you do to change their behavior? A study spanning 40 years of research offers a game-changing solution: Ask them a question.

Asking people about performing a certain behavior influences whether they will do it in the future. The effect is powerful—it has been shown to last more than six months after the initial questioning.

The phenomenon is known as the “question-behavior effect.” For example, asking, “Will you exercise?” instead of saying, “You should exercise today” is far more effective.

The recycling example below explains the psychology behind the technique:

The basic idea is that when people are asked ‘Will you recycle?’ it causes a psychological response that can influence their behavior when they get a chance to recycle. The question reminds them that recycling is good for the environment but may also make them feel uncomfortable if they are not recycling. Thus, they become motivated to recycle to alleviate their feelings of discomfort.

Research shows this technique works across a variety of domains including exercising, volunteering, reducing cheating in college, and recycling.

The effect is strongest when the questions are simple, requiring a “yes” or “no” response. The researchers also suggest inquiring about positive behaviors. Avoid asking about vices because it can backfire and make them more likely to do it. In other words, don’t ask your teenage children, “Are you going to skip class?”

On that note,

Will you share Positive Prescription with a friend?