As we head into summer, and we are inundated by marketing messages heralding the start of beach season, I’m simultaneously struck by how many diet books, apps, and weight loss programs there are out there. They cost a fortune and require a great deal of time and energy.
Confucius said:
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
The same is true of weight loss. Instead of investing in a complicated diet plan, an “old school” strategy may be all you need.
In fact, stepping on a scale is an effective tool to lose unwanted pounds. In a study, the more frequently dieters weighed themselves, the more weight they lost. Of note, those who went a week without weighing themselves actually gained weight. The researchers recommend weighing in daily in order to lose weight.
A related finding by the same researchers highlights how weight naturally fluctuates throughout the week. Most people lose weight during weekdays and gain weight on weekends. Weight peaks on Sunday nights and is lowest on Friday mornings. Interestingly, what separates lean people from heavy ones is how much weight they lose on weekdays. In other words, indulging a little on weekends is okay as long as we get back on track on Monday.
The bottom line is: If you want to lose weight, weigh yourself every day. But if you’re going to weigh yourself only once a week, do it on Wednesday because that will give you the most accurate reading.
When I was in training to become a psychiatrist, an old-school mastermind in the field asked the class what I thought was an obvious question:
“What do you think the point of therapy is?”
Eager beaver that I was, my arm shot up: “The point of going to therapy,” I said confidently, “is to give yourself a brighter future.”
“Wrong, Dr. Boardman. Anyone else?” he responded.
Another brave resident gave it a try:
“The point of therapy is to change your present,” she said.
“Wrong again,” he bellowed. “The point of therapy is to change your past.”
What he meant was that people get too attached to the stories they tell about their past—that their mother was cold to them, that their father abandoned them, that high school was the best/worst years of their life and so on. These are just stories. They are single stories that tell part of a longer narrative, therefore not the whole story. By definition, they leave out a lot of information and leapfrog over nuance and detail. What the good doctor was trying to explain was how recognizing and letting go of the narrow anecdotes we tell others —and ourselves — is liberating.
Economics professor Tyler Cowen addresses this issue in a powerful TED Talk entitled “Be Suspicious of Stories.” He warns against relying too heavily on stories because they oversimplify things:
“So when you strip away detail, you tend to tell stories in terms of good vs. evil, whether it’s a story about your own life or a story about politics. Now some things are actually good vs. evil…but as a general rule, we’re too inclined to tell the good vs. evil story. As a simple rule of thumb, just imagine every time you’re telling the good vs. evil story, you are basically lowering your IQ by 10 points or more…”
We are drawn to stories. They are in our nature. We are biologically programmed to respond to them. That said, just because stories help us make sense of senseless things doesn’t mean we should get too attached to them or allow them to govern our lives. In fact, the more powerful the story we tell ourselves, the more suspicious we should be.
Cowen explains why:
“You’re always left with the same few stories. There’s the old saying, just about every story can be summed up as, ‘A stranger came to town.’ There’s a book by Christopher Booker, he claims there are really just seven types of stories. There’s monster, rags to riches, quest, voyage and return, comedy, tragedy, rebirth. You don’t have to agree with that list exactly, but the point is this: if you think in terms of stories, you’re telling yourself the same things over and over again.”
Just because we can neatly tie a bow around something doesn’t make it 100% true. It’s not that stories are all bad. All I am saying is that the stories we are overly attached to can limit us from seeing the bigger picture. They shape us in powerful ways and can hold us hostage without us even realizing it.
Writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie addresses the danger of single stories as well as the value of seeing beyond them:
“When we reject the single story, when we realize that there is never a single story about any place (or person), we regain a kind of paradise.”
Question the stories you tell about yourself and others. Let go of the narrative and embrace the nuance, uncertainty and the glorious mess that life can be.
Gilda Radner said it best
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”
I learned a lot in medical school. How to prescribe the right antibiotic to combat a bacterial infection, how to approach a combative patient, how to diagnose appendicitis, how to tell the difference between dementia and delirium, among many other essential skills of a physician. But the most important was learning to say, “I don’t know.”
The study highlights the fact that all too often, people fail to seek advice from those around them and how it has consequences for individuals and organizations. Learning information from others is essential. Not only does it enable us to gain wisdom and insight from their knowledge and expertise, it is also is an opportunity to interact and connect.
The research shows how asking for advice is a “win-win” situation. The person seeking advice gains information and the person being asked for their advice feels a boost in their self-confidence and, in turn, views the advice seeker in a more positive light. In other words, they are flattered. The effects of advice seeking are especially robust when the advice being sought is for a particularly challenging task and the advisor’s expertise is warranted.
As Arthur Helps, a British Victorian-era scholar and writer, said:
“We all admire the wisdom of those who come to us for advice.”
The implications of the research are broad. Instead of muddling through something where you need help, override your fears of looking incompetent and ask for help. I would argue that this goes for specific tasks as well as philosophical and moral questions. The wisdom of others is invaluable.
When in doubt, ask a mentor, a grandparent, a teacher or a friend. Odds are they have some useful insight, experience and perspective. Have the courage to ask for it and the grace to accept it.
People are willing to pay as much as 17% more for a handmade item over its machine-made counterpart, studies show, be it a ceramic mug, a bar of scented soap or a carved rocking chair. Turns out, people find handmade products to be more attractive, an effect especially noticeable when it comes to buying a gift for a loved one. The reason? “Handmade” really suggests “made with love.”
Father, New York University Instructor and Author of U Thrive: How to Succeed in College (and Life) on being the best, naps and that particular Chernow biography that’s been staring at him from the nightstand.
