Heat Makes You Cheat: The Link Between Summer and Infidelity

Beach balls and betrayal. A steamy romance with the tennis instructor. They sound like cheesy romance novel titles and bad late night tv movies. And yet, in a 20-year survey about health, relationships and sex, 21.5% of the participants admitted to cheating. While gender, class, salary and education had no bearing on infidelity, the most influential factor was the time of year. June, July and August are infidelity’s high season, a fact the researchers attribute to more travel in the warmer months. And perhaps rising temperatures and revealing clothing contribute to temptation.

While there is no magic formula to prevent cheating, there are strategies for what experts call, “relationship maintenance” — a mixture of common sense and science:

Openness

Talk. Share your feelings and encourage your partner to the same. Communication and honesty are vital.

Assurances

Let your partner know you’re right there with him or her, committed and engaged. Put down your phone, carve out time for just the two of you and be present.

Shared tasks

Cook dinner, find a creative house project, get outside for some yard work, or walk the dog together. This is a partnership, after all.

Kindness

Being kind, giving compliments, doing something nice — making a cup of coffee, sending a random love note or text, or giving a foot rub — telegraphs emotion powerfully.

Shared social network

A friend of yours is a friend of mine. Being in a relationship means being part of each other’s lives and that includes friends and family.

 

Treat everyday as an opportunity to show your partner you are still in love. It takes kindness, optimism, generosity and effort. That tennis instructor won’t seem so intriguing anymore. 

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Skip This Combo At The BBQ To Avoid Packing On The Pounds

If you were planning on eating a steak tonight and washing it down with a soda, think again. I am not a fan of soda—even diet—and this new study only fuels my lifelong dislike. Researchers have found that having a sugar-sweetened drink with a high-protein meal causes the body to store more fat. The combination decreases metabolic efficiency and can lead to weight gain. 

Worse, the sugar-and-protein combination sparks cravings for other unhealthy food. Lead researcher Dr. Shanon Casperson noted: 

“This combination also increased study subjects’ desire to eat savory and salty foods for four hours after eating.”

This may explain why you inhaled four S’mores and two bags of potato chips after dinner at the bonfire last week. For those who love grilled steak and barbecued chicken, skip the soda.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

John-Paul Sukkar

Meet John-Paul Sukkar: Senior Director, People at Rent The Runway, traveler, foodie, adventurer, and an all-around affable man living his best expat life in New York City.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

“The world is a book – those who do not travel read only one page” – This famous quote by St. Augustine of Hippo is often used as my rationale for packing a bag, on a whim, and heading away somewhere new for the weekend.

WHAT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU LEARNED IN HIGH SCHOOL?

You can do anything in the world if you’re surrounded by good friends. Real, good friends will be with you for life, irrespective of your changing circumstances. Most of my closest friends are ones that I made in school – even though we are thousands of miles apart.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST PET PEEVE?

Lines. I can’t stand waiting in lines – especially for food. Even more so for fad-foods that I get sucked in to wanting to try but then get so peeved at the lines.

WHAT DO YOU WEAR THAT MAKES YOU FEEL STRONG?

Glasses. I love treating myself to a new pair, and whatever I chose ends up being a reflection of that phase of my life.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE SOMEONE WITH A BROKEN HEART?

Love yourself first and foremost. Healing means focussing totally on self-love – that means doing whatever makes you happy.

WHAT IS ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND?

Lamp, wireless iphone charger, speaker dock, watch charger and a collection of international coins that I unload at the end of each day (or trip).

WHAT GIVES YOU GOOSE BUMPS?

Hearing people tell their personal stories of triumph over adversity – whenever I am reminded of  the real power of human spirit and strength I am moved.

WHAT IS YOUR BAD DAY BACKUP PLAN?

A glass of wine with good friends – preferably on a rooftop somewhere.

HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?

Hitting goals I set out to achieve.

BEST ADVICE YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED?

Nothing good comes easy.

WHAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO EAT?

Skiing. The slopes are my happy place where I often forget about everything else happening in the world.

WHAT DID YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD SELF LOVE DOING?

Pretending I was a Power Ranger. I used to think I had a morpher in my pocket at all times and at any given moment I could morph into my favorite ranger and fight all the evil powers.

WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU GRAB IN A FIRE?

  1. The watch my family gave my for my 21st birthday.
  2. The fountain pen my dad gave me when I graduated from business school
  3. The farewell card my nieces and nephews made for me when I left Australia and moved to New York City.

FAVORITE WORD?

Delicious. Taste is my favorite of all the senses – and  this word just encapsulates the happiness of that sensation.

FAVORITE WORK OF ART?

I’m going to cheat and pick 2. Favorite artwork generally – The Persistence of Memory by Dali. However, the piece that most took my breath away when I saw the original at the MoMa was van Gogh’s “Starry Night“.

FAVORITE BOOK?

The Road by Cormac McCarthy. It really resonates with readers based on their phase of life, I read it when I finishing up university and it’s always stuck with me.

Do You Have A Toxic Friend?

There is a saying that you are the average of the five people you spend time with and research backs this up. We are greatly influenced by our friends, for better or for worse. Good friends are the cornerstone of wellbeing while toxic ones can take a toll on our mental and physical health.

If you have a toxic friend—someone who is a negative influence, who doesn’t wish you well, who makes you feel weak or inadequate, or who is untrustworthy, it might be time to remove that person from your life. Sometimes people just grow apart. Just because you were friends in college does not mean that you must be friends forever.

But before you cut that person out of your life entirely, be sure that a misunderstanding is not at the heart of the problem. In the same way that communication matters in romantic relationships, it is important for friendships as well. If you don’t want to talk it out or you know there is no point in engaging the person in a dialogue, take some distance before making any hasty decisions.

Unless the person has done something egregious, a gradual unraveling may be easier on everyone involved. Do your best to leave other friends out of it and to minimize incurring your ex-friend’s wrath. Above all, be kind and try to minimize hurt feelings so you can both move on.

This article originally appeared in Marie Claire. 

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Can You Force Someone To Be Healthier?

In wellness, there’s no one-size-fits-all regimen. In fact, the first step on the path to a better, healthier, happier life, is choice.

In a classic study, researchers placed two rats in a cage. Rat A was free to do whatever he liked. He ate whenever he liked, he hopped on his tiny treadmill to do a few laps whenever he was in the mood, and he slept whenever the urge to snooze came upon him. Basically, Rat A lived the rodent high life, and his brain bloomed with new brain cells. Rat B, who was yoked to Rat A and had to do whatever Rat A did, didn’t have it so good. Even though Rat B was on the same “healthy” schedule as the first rat, he lost brain cells. Unlike his thriving counterpart, he lacked one critical factor: Control.

A number of companies are hopping on the wellness bandwagon and using incentives to encourage their employees to adopt healthier lifestyles. Others are going even further and trying to enforce mandatory healthy lifestyles. Adopting a no-tobacco policy at work and at home, offering cash-incentives and gift cards, reimbursing workers for gym memberships and offering insurance premium discounts to those who meet health standards and surcharges to those who don’t, are among the many ways employers are nudging  — or should I say “strong-arming” — their employees to make better choices.

As the rat study highlights and as psychologists have known all along, having a choice matters most of all. Activities that are supposed to lower stress can in fact cause stress if done in the wrong spirit or under duress. Recent research further underscores the importance of autonomy. A study from the University of Toronto shows that when employees have freedom over what to do during lunch breaks — either engage in relaxing activities or work through them — they experience enhanced positive affects and were more relaxed and less fatigued. Contrary to expectations, working through lunch can be restorative, but only if employees choose to do so themselves.

Bottom line: Nobody likes to be told what to do. As mentioned, there is no “one size fits all” especially when it comes to health and stress management. Discover what works for you and build more of it into your day.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman