Listening to your gut when you’re anxious is like going to the supermarket on an empty stomach. Your judgment is clouded so you end up buying stuff you don’t need.  The last time I made that mistake, extra-large bags of potato chips, wheels of cheese, and sugar-packed cereals I had sworn off for life made their way into my shopping cart.  Being hungry impairs the ability to make healthy choices.

Similarly, anxiety can impair the ability to make intuitive or “gut” decisions.  While there is no agreed-upon definition in psychology, intuition is generally thought of as resulting from a fast, unconscious, and automatic process that leads to knowing something without knowing how you actually know it. Intuition can be a valuable tool, especially if you have expertise in the situation at hand. For example, intuitive decision-making athletes make faster and better decisions than their more analytic counterparts. Related research shows that intuition is enhanced in people when they are in a good mood. But when you are anxious, the opposite is true.

There are a number of possible reasons why an anxious state of mind interferes with intuition. A lack of self-confidence, a fear of failure, a pessimistic outlook, a narrow perspective, and a tendency to pay attention to irrelevant stimuli contribute to why it is hard to see the forest from the trees when you are filled with fear or uncertainty.  

Intuition can be an excellent guide but only in the right context and when you are thinking clearly. As one researcher puts it: 

“The primary takeaway is: intuition is like nitroglycerine — it is best used only in certain circumstances.” 

This article originally appeared in the September 2018 issue of Marie Claire.

In the heat of the moment, one of the worst things to do is what people normally do–immerse themselves in their emotions and focus on their hurt. This response is like putting gasoline on a fire. It fuels the flame by keeping angry and aggressive thoughts front and center, making it more likely you will say something you later regret.

Psychological research offers a simple strategy to cool these hot emotions. When someone upsets you, try to pretend you are a fly on the wall and viewing the situation from a distance. This is known as “self-distancing.” The process of mentally stepping back from an experience and viewing it as separate from the self and through the eyes of an outside observer can help you stay in control.  

In one study, college students were paired with a partner who, as part of the experiment, intentionally provoked and berated them for not following directions with comments like “Look this is the third time I have to say this! Can’t you follow directions?” in an impatient and obnoxious tone.  The students who had been told to adopt a self-distanced perspective were less quick to anger and responded less aggressively than those who immersed themselves in their feelings.

When you are psychologically distanced from a situation, you gain perspective. The long line at the grocery store might feel a little less personal. You are more likely to consider the possibility that the driver who cut you off is late to pick up her child from daycare and not just a jerk or that a disagreeable colleague is having a tough time at home and not just lazy. Potentially explosive interactions with, friends, family, partners, and even strangers are less likely to explode when you picture the moment from afar. Channeling a fly provides greater distance and as a result, less drama.

This article originally appeared in the March 2019 issue of Marie Claire Magazine.