“I don’t care if she’s nice. I just care that she’s the best.” My patient’s internist was retiring and he was eager to find a new one. Like most people, he relied on credentials and reputation to assess expertise. “Where did she go to medical school?,” he asked. “Is she on New York Magazine’s Best Doctors list?” How caring or warm she is didn’t factor into his analysis. He believed that competence, not kindness, mattered most.
Research from Stanford University suggests otherwise. Volunteers in a study were pricked on their forearm with histamine which acts like a mosquito bite, causing the skin to become red and itchy. The volunteers were then briefly examined by a friendly doctor who offered a few words of encouragement or a silent type who assessed the reaction but did not offer any reassurance. The volunteers who had a warm interaction not only reported less itchiness, they also said their symptoms resolved more rapidly than those who were seen by the “strictly business” physician. If interactions don’t matter, then both sets of patients would have been expected to report similar experiences.
What this study shows us is that the doctor-patient relationship matters more than you might think. Knowing your doctor cares about you can affect your experience and health outcomes. A doctor who calls you by name, who looks you in the eye, who smiles and chats, and who expresses genuine concern for your wellbeing can help you heal. A doctor who rolls his eyes at your complaints or tells you “you’re fine” when you’re not feeling fine is actually bad for your health.
We often think the only parts of medical care that really matter are the “active” ingredients of medicine: the diagnosis, prognosis and treatment. But focusing only on these ingredients leaves important components of care underappreciated and underutilized. To really help people flourish, health care works better when it includes caring.
Alix Peabody founded The Alixir Company in June 2017 and launched their first product, Bev, in May 2018. Bev, a canned Rose company, was founded in part to redefine the beverage industry and speak to and about women in a positive, authentic way.
I have always thought of creativity as something you are either born with or not. Without disclosing too much, I didn’t win any awards in art class. But research tells a different story. A study found that imagining you are an eccentric poet can significantly boost divergent thinking, a key indicator of creative potential.
The people in the experiment who channeled their inner Lord Byron managed to generate significantly more original ideas when asked to generate creative uses of everyday objects. Those who were instructed to imagine themselves as rigid librarians were not as successful on the divergent thinking task.
Divergent thinking enables people to see problems from many perspectives and to generate novel solutions, concepts, and ideas. Leonardo da Vinci, Steve Jobs, Lin Manuel Miranda, and Ai Weiwei are all classic divergent thinkers. According to the study, with a little imagination, you can be too.
There are those who would have us believe that you must always be yourself but as this study underscores, always being yourself might be holding you back. Psychologically removing yourself from a situation and the social constraints reality imposes frees you to become the person you would like to be. Acting like someone who has the capabilities you strive for enables you to access them for yourself. Dress up as your creative hero this Halloween. Any ideas for a good Leonardo costume?
Patience may be a virtue but it’s wearing thin. A study of over 2000 British adults confirmed what most of us already know, we hate to wait and we are less patient than ever.
Frustration sets in after:
25 seconds of waiting for a traffic light to turn green
20 seconds for ink to dry on a greeting card
18 seconds looking for a pen
16 seconds of waiting for a webpage to load
14 minutes waiting for an order to arrive in a restaurant
People don’t even have the patience for experiences traditionally associated with relaxation:
“Even a cup of tea, an undeniable symbol of British leisure time, incited anger among respondents if the kettle took more than 28 seconds to boil.”
The study did not inquire what would happen if they had to wait for milk and sugar.
Despite the desire for immediate gratification and growing impatience, the reality is that everyday life requires a great deal of patience. Whether it’s waiting for a subway, standing in line at the DMV, grasping a difficult concept, completing a challenging project, or dealing with a difficult person, knowing how to cope with frustration is important for wellbeing and goal achievement.
While most people think of patience as a trait people either have–as in, “Samantha is such a patient person” or don’t have, research shows that patience can be increased. Gratitude, meditation, and emotional regulation strategies like reappraisal have all been shown to help people grow their patience muscle.
One last thought, model patience for your kids. You can react to a traffic jam by honking your horn or shouting out the window or you could think of it as more quality time to spend with your child.
“Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet.” Aristotle
Kiana Cabell and Gigi Goldman are the Co-Founders of Kopari Beauty, a company that makes clean, coconut products ranging from skin, hair and personal care.
What’s the best way to motivate a student who lacks motivation?
I frequently encounter parents who ask me this question. Full disclosure, it’s a question I would like an answer for myself. Getting my children to do homework is no easy feat. Punishment for not doing it is one strategy but realistically, how many times can you take away their phone? Rewards are another option but studies show that this is not necessarily a good idea. It might work for a little while but always expecting something in return for putting in the effort can actually undermine motivation. For instance, if you incentivize your child to get good grades with cash, it’s unlikely they will ever find any internal motivation to want to learn on their own.
My go-to strategy has always been to explain why working hard is important and then to offer time tested advice about creating solid study habits. I worked my tail off in school and think of myself as a treasure trove of information about how to do well. For years, I was convinced that my words of wisdom would light the academic fire within my children. Perhaps seeing their eyes glaze over as I banged on about the benefits of applying oneself and doing one’s best should have alerted me to the reality that the message wasn’t sinking in.
So, what does help? Research from the University of Pennsylvania offers a counterintuitive solution. Instead of giving students expert advice about how to do well in school (as I have been doing ad nauseam), ask them to provide advice to other students about how to do well. In the study, middle school students (6th, 7th, and 8th grades) who shared their thoughts about why school matters with 4th graders and, specifically about the importance of doing vocabulary homework, became more motivated to study vocabulary themselves. To measure motivation, the researchers tracked the number of minutes advice-giving students spent on an online vocabulary training program following the intervention.
Here is an example of a 7th grader’s words of wisdom to a younger student:
“As you become older, you start to realize what is important to you. I realized that school and academics are the most important thing. It is still fun to do things outside of school, but you have to realize what is important to you.”
A different group of middle schoolers received advice from teachers on how to be better students. Here is an example: “Trying your hardest is always the way to go. You should always try and do better. Don’t settle. Always try to make things better and better. You need to put in your full effort, not just coast by! Sometimes that means putting in a lot of time after the school day ends, like studying vocabulary online. It’s very important to apply yourself to your work, even once the school day is over.”
These tips are remarkably similar to the ones provided by yours truly to my kids. In the same way that my advice has had minimal impact, the teachers’ advice didn’t affect student motivation either. These advice receivers didn’t spend any more time studying vocabulary afterwards.
Contrary to the assumption of well-meaning parents and teachers everywhere, explaining to children why and how they should study doesn’t make much of a difference. It seems that children are fully aware of the value of an education and optimal study habits.
In other words, they don’t need more information. What they need is motivation. A more effective strategy is to ask them to give advice to other students. What is so special about giving advice? It boosts confidence and is empowering. Instead of being a struggling student in need of guidance, when you give advice, you become a new person with valuable experience capable of providing guidance. Plus, human beings like to be consistent. When advocating for an idea, we take ownership of it. In the process of telling another person about how important something is, we remind and persuade ourselves of its importance too.
The motivational power of giving advice isn’t just for students. People trying to lose weight, control their temper, save money, and find a new job became more motivated after giving advice to other people facing the same issues than when they received advice from experts. Helping others fueled their own desire to be successful.
All too often, we confuse motivational problems with informational deficits. Getting advice from others is helpful only when we lack information but not in areas when we’re already in the know. Indeed, most are fully aware of what they need to do in order to eat healthier, save money, control their anger, and be better students. Traversing the gulf that separates knowledge from action is the challenge. As these studies suggest, flipping strugglers from receivers into givers provides a bridge.
Next time you encounter a person or a child who is having trouble reaching a goal, save your breath. Instead of offering your words of wisdom, flip the script, and ask them what they would say to another person in a similar predicament. In giving, they will receive.
