The types of questions we ask so often determine the answers we find.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
For Anyone Who Has Every Loved a Dog
Eugene O’Neill, a dog lover, wrote this extraordinary eulogy for his beloved dog Blemie when the dalmatian was nearing his end. I challenge you not to cry.
The Last Will and Testament of Silverdene Emblem O’Neill
I, SILVERDENE EMBLEM O’NEILL (familiarly known to my family, friends, and acquaintances as Blemie), because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me.
I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most, to Freeman who has been so good to me, to Cyn and Roy and Willie and Naomi and — But if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog.
I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe with those of my fellow Dalmatians who are devout Mohammedans, that there is a Paradise where one is always young and full-bladdered; where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude of houris, beautifully spotted; where jack rabbits that run fast but not too fast (like the houris) are as the sands of the desert; where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one’s Master and Mistress.
I am afraid this is too much for even such a dog as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best.
One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, “When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one.” Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good (and one cat, the black one I have permitted to share the living room rug during the evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit, and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a trifle). Some dogs, of course, are better than others. Dalmatians, naturally, as everyone knows, are best. So I suggest a Dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris. He can never wear them with the distinction I did, walking around the Place Vendôme, or later along Park Avenue, all eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog. Here on the ranch, he may prove himself quite worthy of comparison, in some respects. He will, I presume, come closer to jack rabbits than I have been able to in recent years. And for all his faults, I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home.
One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: “Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved.” No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.
Tao House, December 17th, 1940
The One Question Therapists Don’t Often Ask–but Should
It takes a great deal of courage to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Oftentimes there is a lag between obtaining a therapist’s number and making the call to set up an appointment. I can only imagine how many crumpled up pieces of paper with a psychiatrist’s name and phone number are buried in coat pockets and at the bottom of handbags representing a fleeting moment of intention.
People usually make an appointment to see a therapist during periods of change or transition–in between relationships, in between jobs, in between the known and the unknown. Turning points bring people to the threshold of a therapist’s office. The psychiatrist inquires about symptoms and tries to help them figure out ways to successfully navigate their way through this difficult time. “So, tell me, what is bothering you?” is a common icebreaker.
The focus is on what is going wrong in their lives. After all, that is what brought them in the door. It makes sense.
Or does it? A few years ago a patient, let’s call her Claire, made me question this approach. I had been seeing her for several weeks when she abruptly terminated treatment.
All we do is talk about all the bad stuff in my life—what I worry about, what’s upsetting me. I sit in your office and complain for 45 minutes straight. Even if I am having a good day, coming here makes me think about all the negative things.
I never saw her again but her words stayed with me. They stung. She was right. All we did was talk about what was wrong. I had spent years studying damage, deficit and dysfunction in the human mind. It never occurred to me to focus on what was right.
Research suggests it might be time to turn this strategy on its head. Instead of focusing exclusively on repairing a patient’s negative thinking and behavior, therapists may want to consider spending some time building upon their patients’ strengths.
In a study, patients with depression were divided into two groups—half received a classic “deficit-based” treatment that was tailored to work on their weaknesses and symptoms. The other half participated in a strengths-based treatment that targeted the patient’s capabilities and the skills the patient was already good at. The researchers found that deliberately capitalizing on an individual’s strengths outperforms a treatment that compensates for an individual’s weaknesses. This challenges the assumption held by many health professionals that we need to fix the problem before focusing on anything else.
Today, instead of exclusively troubleshooting with my patients, I also look for bright spots. I inquire about what they are like at their best. I recommend they write down what went well at the end of each day. We explore their strengths and I ask them to use them in new ways. I ask them to consider how they might creatively use that strength to help them navigate their way through a challenging situation. I suggest they look for strengths in others. Thinking about what they admire in someone provides a shift in perspective. Rather than focusing on what they don’t like about that person or their negative qualities, they are reminded of what they appreciate.
We can all benefit from a similar shift in perspective. Catch your child doing something right today. Give a compliment to a friend. Congratulate a co-worker for a job well done. Thank a loved one for a gesture you take for granted. Focusing on what’s right in yourself and others may be just what the doctor ordered.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Is Sitting the New Smoking?
Scientists estimate that most people over the age of 12 spend the majority of their time—at least 8 to 10 hours a day—sitting down. All of this sitting is taking a serious toll on our mental and physical health. As Tom Rath, author of Eat, Move, Sleep, writes:
Every hour you spend on your rear end — in a car, watching television, attending a meeting, or at your computer — saps your energy and ruins your health. Sitting also makes you fat.
A number of conditions are caused or worsened by a sedentary lifestyle including depression, hypertension, angina, obesity, ADHD, anxiety, diabetes among others. Scientists believe prolonged sitting may even increase the risk of cancer.
The bad news is that going to the gym for an hour each day is not enough to offset the serious health consequences of chronic inactivity. In an NIH funded study that followed 240,000 adults over a decade, even the adults who exercised vigorously, seven or more hours per week, had an increased risk of death if they sat for long periods of the day.
Build Activity Into Your Day
Part of the problem is that we tend to think of exercise as something outside of our daily lives rather than something that is built into our day. The good news is that this is just a mindset and simple to fix.
1. Stand up at least once an hour
Whether watching TV or sitting at your desk, stand up, stretch your legs and move around.
2. Seek out opportunities to move
Schedule walking meetings instead of office meetings. Take the stairs. Pick up lunch instead of ordering in. Get off the subway a stop early and walk the rest of the way. Park the car at the far end of the parking lot. Visit a museum. Get a dog.
3. Monitor yourself:
Tracking your activity with a pedometer or Jawbone will keep you motivated.
As recent studies show, daily “non-exercise” activities like mowing the lawn, doing housework, gardening and even mushroom gathering have a positive effect. Sneakers and spandex aren’t required to reap the mental and physical benefits of staying active in fun and creative ways.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Mind Over Matter: Can You Cut Calories With a Mindset?
Harvard Professor Ellen Langer’s research reveals a surprising way to burn calories: be aware of and believe in the health benefits of the activity you engage in.
Langer and her team told 80 housekeepers at various hotels in the Boston area that their work, cleaning rooms, was good for their health. The housekeeping staff at the other hotels were not provided with the same information. Each group engaged in the same amount of physical activity at work as they always did – an average of 8 hours of cleaning per day. After one month, without making any changes in their lifestyle, the women who were informed of the health benefits of their work lost an average of two pounds, while the uninformed women didn’t lose weight
Athletes are well aware of the difference a mindset makes. When you’re head isn’t in the game, performance suffers.
Even non-athletes should pay attention. Langer is confident that by,
putting your mind in an exercise place, your body will follow.
When you go to the gym, don’t just go through the motions. By being in the right mindset, you engage your body in a different way. Truly believing that your actions have health benefits is the key.
So, is thinking you’re getting a workout while you sit at your computer going to burn calories? It’s certainly worth a try.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Are You a Windbag? 5 Ways to Avoid Being a Know-it-All
“You should speak to an expert.” This is the standard advice we dole out whenever anyone has a problem or a question. But is expertise all that it is cracked up to be?
A recent article entitled, Are Good Doctors Bad For Your Health? may make you think twice. According to a study, patients in cardiac arrest did BETTER when the senior cardiologists were out of town.
Related research shows how arrogant CEOs can put companies at risk. Apparently, 94 percent of college professors think they do “above average” work which is impossible, statistically speaking.
Along similar lines, 60% of college freshmen rate themselves as “above average” in intellectual skills. In comparison, in 1966, under a third surveyed considered themselves to be above average intellectually. A number already think of themselves as “experts” though it is unclear what their expertise is in.
The common thread is overconfidence. As the lead researcher commented:
It’s not just confidence. It’s overconfidence.
When people are overconfident, they lose touch. They dismiss other perspectives and don’t question their beliefs. According to research, people who are even temporarily given the feeling that they are experts become more rigid and close-minded. Scientists call this the “earned dogmatism effect.” It occurs when people feel superior and believe they have earned the right to close their ears and eyes to another point of view.
Beware of know-it-alls and make sure you don’t become one:
1. Say “I don’t know” when you don’t know.
2. Stay in learning mode.
3. Listen.
4. Ask questions.
5. Question your questions to make sure you aren’t just confirming what you already believe.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
