“My friends and employees know me to be a humble guy,” explained my patient “John.” He was astonished to later learn that a number of these people described him as “pretty arrogant,” in a survey he commissioned as part of a behavioral assessment tool to improve performance at his company. He had a heart-to-heart with a good friend who more or less agreed with the survey’s findings. How could he have gotten it so wrong?

Most of us think we have a pretty good idea about how other people see us—how nice we are, how funny we are, how interesting we are, how attractive we are and so on. We assume that others see us as we see ourselves. Psychologists call this “egocentric bias”—when we are locked inside our own heads, we lose the ability to be objective.

To get a better view of yourself, you could hire a team to do 360 interviews as John did. Another less-expensive option is to think more abstractly. In a 2010 study, researchers split participants into two groups and asked them to judge how attractive they were to another person. One group was told to put themselves in the other person’s shoes. The other group was told to imagine how they would be rated by the other person in several months’ time. Those who tried to put themselves in the other person’s shoes did terribly—in fact, there was no association between how they thought others would rate them and how they actually did rate them. On the other hand, those who thought about their future selves did much better. Related research yielded similar findings in general evaluations, not just attractiveness.

We are blinded by how much we know. Thinking about ourselves in the future, though, moves our mind to a more abstract level, allowing us to better see ourselves through others’ eyes.

If you want to get a better picture of yourself, think forward.

When someone visits a psychiatrist for the first time, it’s usually at an inflection point. Something big has happened, is happening or is about to happen. Helping patients navigate their way through this transition is the goal.

Over the years I have learned an important lesson—in addition to discussing the “big issue” that brings a patient in the door, it is equally important to focus on the everyday. Talking about how the person spends their time and conducts their daily life is essential. Understanding their habits and rituals not only helps me understand who they are, it also enables me to recommend small changes that may help them feel just a little bit better. Oftentimes, a minor tweak in their day-to-day routine can help them feel stronger even within their stress.

As writer Annie Dillard said,

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Dillard’s words ring true for all of us. The actions we perform on an everyday basis determine who we are in the long run.

Here are seven ways to make the most of your everyday:

1. Learn something new

Every single day, look for an opportunity to expand your knowledge. Listen to a podcast, read an interesting article, learn something from a friend. Remember, everyone you meet knows something you don’t.

2. Make someone’s day

Do something, anything, for someone else. This is an immediate mood booster. Going out of your way to be kind to others also helps you feel more in control.

3. Use your strengths

You excel when you get to do what you do best. According to research, employees who use their strengths outperform those who don’t and feel more fulfilled.

4. Fortify yourself

Actively decide to eat well, move more, and sleep better. Every bite of food, every extra step, and every extra hour of rest has a significant impact. Your everyday decisions affect the quality of your health and life.

5. Think forward

What are your long-term goals? Do at least one thing that brings you a step—even a baby step—closer each day.

6. Do something meaningful

No matter how small, do something that somehow improves the world. It may be as simple as picking up a piece of garbage on the street.

7. Take a moment

Spend, at minimum, 30 seconds reflecting on what you have accomplished and appreciating what you have. Expressing thanks is one of the simplest ways to feel better.

By purposefully following these seven steps, your full-day can also be fulfilling.

I spent years studying damage, deficit and dysfunction in the human mind. I don’t remember once in my training hearing the words “joy,” “awe” or “wellbeing.” We talked about “happiness” but only in a negative sense. During a manic phase of bipolar illness, patients may experience excessive happiness. The diagnostic criterion of mania includes a persistently elevated or expansive mood and inflated self-esteem. This is a bad thing. It has negative consequences like irresponsible spending or reckless sexual behavior.

Genuine happiness is not given much thought in the training of psychologists and psychiatrists. The goal of treatment is to get a patient “back to baseline” (not clinically sick) and the goal of most research is to gain a better understanding of mental disorders.

Studying what people are like at their best has not received much attention until recently. In 1998, Martin Seligman was the President of the American Psychological Association. He had a successful career studying depression and was known for his work on the theory of “learned helplessness” as a model for depression. Yet the singular focus on illness troubled him:

Psychologists (and psychiatrists) have scant knowledge of what makes life worth living. They have come to understand quite a bit about how people survive and endure under conditions of adversity. However, psychologists (and psychiatrists) know very little about how normal people flourish…

Seligman set out to change that. He broke new ground by founding the modern field of Positive Psychology.

Positive psychology proposes to correct this imbalance by focusing on strengths as well as weaknesses, on building the best things in life as well as repairing the worst. It asserts that human goodness and excellence is just as authentic as distress and disorder, that life entails more than the undoing of problems.

Positive psychology has flourished over the past two decades, leading to a greater understanding of optimal human functioning and resilience.

Seligman’s life changing book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, outlines his groundbreaking theory of wellbeing known as the PERMA model. The theory holds that the following five elements are the building blocks of a good life:

1. Positive Emotion (P) 

Positive emotion such as peace, gratitude, satisfaction, pleasure, inspiration, hope, curiosity, awe, and love are life-enhancing. A “dose” of positive emotion creates an upward spiral of positivity.

2. Engagement (E) 

When we’re truly engaged in a situation, task, or project, we experience a state of flow: time seems to stop, we lose our sense of self, and we concentrate intensely on the present.

3. Positive Relationships (R) 

We are “social beings,” and good relationships are essential for wellbeing. Strong social connections are linked with good physical and mental health and are also protective against stressors.

4. Meaning (M) 

Meaning comes from serving something larger than ourselves. It puts life in perspective. It may be a religion, a cause, or an overriding sense of purpose that we belong to something bigger.

5. Accomplishment/Achievement (A) 

Mastering a skill, achieving one’s goal, and living life in concert with one’s values is important for wellbeing. Working towards a goal is rewarding in itself.

The good news is that all five elements of PERMA can be cultivated.

Your assignment: get more PERMA in your life today.

“A fried egg and cheese with bacon please.” This was the breakfast I craved at 5:30 am when I was an intern after an all night shift in the hospital. What I didn’t realize at the time was how not getting enough sleep influenced what I ate.

There is increasing evidence that not getting enough rest negatively impacts eating habits and leads to excessive food intake.

After a bad night’s sleep, the hormone controlling appetite is affected, emotional stress is greater, more food is desired to compensate for lack of energy and impulsivity is increased, all of which affect the amount of food that you would consume in a day.

As anyone who has ever stayed up all night for work or other reasons knows well, we crave greasy food. According to research, there is a reason pizza and doughnuts are so much more appealing than avocado on whole grain toast after a late night. The lack of sleep increases the brain’s response to unhealthy food:

High-calorie foods become significantly more desirable when participants are sleep-deprived. This combination of altered brain-activity and decision-making may help explain why people who sleep less also tend to be overweight or obese.

The paradox is that consuming unhealthy food after a late night exacerbates exhaustion and actually makes us feel worse. These “comfort foods” turn out not to be not so comforting after all. In fact studies show that eating comfort food to help us feel better is a myth.

Keep this in mind next time you pull an all-nighter. The fried egg and cheese may sound appealing but you will have a much better and productive day if you have oatmeal (without the extra brown sugar) instead.

By definition, all Olympic athletes have extraordinary athletic ability combined with mastery of a physical talent and skill. But what does it take to win? Research highlights the role of psychology in athletes who win gold. Optimal performance has as much to do with mental agility as it does with physical ability.

Here are eight secrets of Olympic medalists:

1. Knowing How (and When) to Push Hard

A great athlete knows when to push beyond their mental and physical boundaries and when to hold back. It’s about impulse control – the pause between thought and action to assess what is needed in the moment. This requires flexible thinking and self-knowledge. Knowing one’s strength’s is important—it is also important to be aware of areas that require extra effort and more work.

 2. Optimism

Productivity, better health, efficient problem solving and success are all linked with optimism. It’s not about being blind to the realities of life and circumstance (physical or mental setbacks, weaknesses, weather conditions) but seeing them as temporary hurdles rather than permanent roadblocks. Great athletes don’t quit when they fall down. They exhibit resilience and grace in the face of disappointment.

3. Motivation

A recent study found that motivational self-talk helps athletes improve in strength and endurance-based tasks: “The mind guides action, if we succeed in regulating our thoughts, then this will help our behavior,” says sports psychologist Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis.

4. Setting Specific Goals 

The most successful athletes set specific goals. Of course, the ultimate goal of an Olympian is to win gold but the daily objectives leading up to the games (to beat their best time by 1 second, to land the triple axel, to perfect their form as they make the first turn) matter more for improving actual performance.

 5. (Healthy) Perfectionism

Healthy perfectionism balances an athlete’s high standards with flexibility. Healthy perfectionists are not haunted by past mistakes but learn from them, whereas unhealthy perfectionists are overly concerned with control and exhibit an all-or-nothing mentality.

6. Focus

Studies suggest that visualization training is comparable to physical training. Olympians don’t just think about participating and winning their event they actually feel what it would be like to compete and take home the gold. The more intense the focus is on their goal, the more the Olympian is able to tune out distractions, anxiety and stress. This type of focus can best be practiced through mindfulness and meditation on a regular basis.

 7 . Routine

Research implies that routine is a vital aspect of success. Routines create balance, focus, healthy habits, self-discipline, resilience and stamina—essential ingredients of a successful athlete and in life:

A routine can steady an athlete amidst the buzz, distractions and anxieties inherent to the games, and help them perform at their best.

8. Finding Flow

Great athletes know how to get “in the zone.”  It’s the opposite of multi-tasking: they are so engaged in what they are doing that they lose time. Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow, describes it as:

Being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.

The Olympic Games are a testament to the potential and capacity of the human body and mind. Imagine what you could accomplish if you thought like an Olympian every day. In the spirit of the 2014 Winter Games, apply some of these strategies to your own life. After all, the secret to winning may be learning how to fail:

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. 

– Michael Jordan

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics American Time Use Survey, Americans spend more time working, watching television and movies, and using their computers for fun than they did ten years ago. They spend less time relaxing, thinking, socializing and communicating with others, and engaging in charitable activities like helping people who aren’t members of their immediate family.

What about you? Understanding where your time is going can be an eye-opening exercise.  It allows you to see whether your priorities and values align with how you actually live your life.

First, list the three things in life that mean the most to you. Next, fill in a chart like this one. It’s a helpful tool that enables you to visualize how you actually organize the hours of your day. Do the three items you listed that mean the most to you figure prominently on this chart? If not, it may be time to re-think how you spend your time. As Beverly Adamo reminds us, “it’s not about time, it’s about choices. How are you spending your choices?”

Howard Gardner, professor of psychology at Harvard, researchers questions about health, happiness and personal values.  Across the board and around the world, his findings are consistent – people place a premium on time well spent:

Over and over, in our interviews and surveys, we found that individuals were especially pleased when they had an experience that was enjoyable and fulfilling, and conversely frustrated when they felt that they had not spent their time well. For example, they could have a delicious meal at a high quality restaurant. But they much preferred a meal of mediocre quality, if they could be surrounded by friends whose company they enjoyed. On the other hand, many who spent hours playing online games, registered annoyance that they had wasted so much time.

More important than how we spend our time is how well we spend our time.  As Gardner highlights, what may seem like a waste of time—daydreaming, reflecting, thinking, and allowing our minds to wander may in fact be time well spent.

He offers the following tips to make the best use of your time:

Put the quality of time use front and center in your life.

Pursue and value quality, not just quantity. In other words, don’t just think about how long an event (like a meeting or meal) will take; think instead about whether you will enjoy and profit in some way from the minutes or hours.

Don’t try to fill every minute — it is healthy to sit back, reflect, and daydream.

Technology is a double-edged sword — it’s seductive, superficially fun, but it’s time-consuming and rarely produces a lasting sense of satisfaction.

Reflect on how you have used time — and if not well, then go back to the drawing (or day dreaming) board.