Conventional wisdom holds that people don’t really change. We typecast others and ourselves. “She is an anxious person.” “He is such a grouch.” “I am naturally lazy.” The problem with this rigid belief system is that it is self-fulfilling. The moment you label yourself as lazy, you give yourself permission to slack off. Similarly, if you assume your co-worker is anxiety-ridden, you will interpret any ambiguous behavior as further evidence that she is a worrywart.
As tempting as it is to put ourselves and others into boxes, research suggests that the opposite —believing that change is possible — is the key. According to a 2014 study, ninth graders who read information about how people and the brain are capable of change were less likely to develop depression than students who were not educated about how personality is flexible. It was a low-cost, one-time intervention that had lasting results.
David Scott Yeager, the lead researcher, highlights the impact of this simple exercise:
We were amazed that a brief exposure to the message that people can change, during a key transition — the first few weeks of high school — could prevent increases in symptoms of depression.
American industrialist Henry Ford said it best:
Whether you think you can change, or you think you can’t change, you’re right.
In the United States alone, more than 23 million adults sing in groups every week. Why? Because there’s a direct link between music and mood, so much so that there’s a whole branch of psychology devoted to music, appropriately called ‘music therapy.’
Originally, music therapy was developed BY WHOM as a way to help wounded World War II veterans cope with their pain. But the practice of music as a therapeutic activity has been around thousands of years. In the 500s BC, the Greek philosopher Pythagoras believed music was beneficial to the spirit.
But today, you don’t need to know your music theorems or the ancient history of music to appreciate the joys of a sing-along. Nor do you need to be a wounded soldier. While most relevant research in the past has focused on the ways choirs benefit the marginalized or criminal members of society, a new study in Australia looks at how positive the chorus experience can be for just about anybody.
You might not think of yourself as a performer, and in fact the very thought of singing in front of other people may fill you with terrible stage fright, but the study confirmed the benefits of singing with a group across a wide spectrum of positivity: better mood, influx of endorphins, increased feelings of communal value. The researchers work illustrates not just the power of music, but also the power of participation and active involvement.
Imagine sitting alone in a restaurant waiting for a friend. How do you pass the time? Do you look around? Do you savor the time alone to reflect or think about something that’s bothering you? Do you allow yourself to daydream? Odds are you do none of the above. You reach for your phone and don’t look up until your friend arrives.
You are not alone. Using your phone as a time-filler whenever there is a free moment has become the norm. Waiting on line at the office cafeteria, in between conversations at a cocktail party, before a meeting begins, sitting in a taxi on the way to the airport, along with every other “in between” moment, are now occasions to connect with our device not the world around us. They are triggers to look down.
I do my best to resist turning to a screen to fill time. I don’t want it becoming a habit and I certainly don’t want to model it for my children. My hope is that they learn how to manage boredom and unstructured time and that they use it to their advantage. In a recent article, journalist Naomi Shaefer Riley captures the downside of always turning to a screen to avoid boredom. If every unfilled moment is filled by a video game, a text, or Snapchat, she argues, then there is no time to daydream.
So, I have a confession to make: The TV in the car works. Ages ago I told my kids that the screen was defective because I didn’t want them to tune out every time we got in the car. This white lie will probably backfire one day but right now I have no regrets. First of all, I like the company. If I am stuck in traffic I would rather talk to them than see them through my rear view mirror with earmuff-like head phones on and their mouths hanging open mindlessly watching a movie. It’s an opportunity to connect with each other, to read a book, to take a nap, to belt out Taylor Swift, or to look out the window and let the mind wander.
Boredom isn’t such a bad thing, especially when you reframe it as an opportunity to be creative. In an article in GQmagazine, Lin-Manuel Miranda, the mastermind behind the hit show “Hamilton,” talks about a childhood friend who once spent a three-hour car ride playing with a stick he found in the back yard.
Sometimes the stick was a man, sometimes a piece in a larger game, or he’d give it voices, pretend the stick was a telephone. I remember sitting there next to him with my ‘Donkey Kong’ thinking, ‘Dude, you just entertained yourself for three hours . . . with a f- -king twig!’ And I thought to myself, ‘Wow, I have to raise my imagination game.’
Miranda says “time alone is the gift of self-entertainment—and that is the font of creativity. Because there is nothing better to spur creativity than a blank page or an empty bedroom.” Or, (sorry kids) a long car ride.
Instead of staring at a screen, channel a famous refrain from one of the songs in Hamilton:
Look around, look around. How lucky we are to be alive right now.
