Mother, celebrator and illustrator. Perspective, 50-pound scrapbooks and joy — see what else makes the author and believer in Celebrate Everything! tick.
Who Should Choose Your Profile Picture? Hint: It’s Not You
Who cares what other people think? We are bombarded with advice telling us to make our own choices and not be swayed by other people’s opinions. Be the master of your own destiny, they say. It’s your life. Do it your way. The assumption is that we know better, and if we look within ourselves, we will find all the answers and make the right choices.
While I agree with the basic premise that it is important to make decisions that reflect our personal values, I also believe it is important to get out of our own head.
Seek advice from people you admire and to get honest feedback from people you trust. When it comes to making decisions—about things big and small—you may not be the expert you think you are. Emotions, past experiences, misperceptions and assumptions tend to cloud judgment. Suboptimal decisions are the result. Sometimes other people really do know best.
This is especially true when it comes to choosing profile pictures for dating, Facebook and LinkedIn. One might assume that we would choose the best photos of ourselves but it turns out we are downright useless. Other people are more adept at picking the most flattering pictures. This phenomenon has practical implications. As the researchers conclude, “should people wish to “put their best face forward,” they should ask someone else to choose it…
Indeed, self-expertise may be a myth, at least when it comes to choosing the most appealing photo of yourself. Surely, the limits of self-perception are not limited to the selection of profile pictures. Instead of looking inside of yourself for all the answers, look up from your phone, look out into the world and tap into the wisdom of others. We don’t always have to go it alone.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Is The Hurry In Your Head?
“Frantic, rushed, crazy busy,” are words that roll off my patients’ tongues when I ask them how they are. I can relate all too well. People who say they feel pressed for time experience more stress and anxiety. It goes the other way too. People who feel stressed and anxious also feel more pressed for time.
According to a study, how we think about goals shapes our perception of time. When we think about goals as in conflict with one another we experience more stress and heightened time pressure. Technology may explain why this seems worse now more than ever:
Technological advances that allow people to do lots of things at once may exacerbate the feeling of goal conflict…On our phones, we can flip or toggle back and forth between dealing with family members and friends and colleagues, making appointments for our pets, making appointments for our kids.
In other words, the gadgets we use to save us time end up making us feel even more pressed for more time because they aggravate this sense of conflict. We feel pulled in a hundred directions at once.
Einstein famously said:
“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
But these days everything does seem to happen at once. Everything seems urgent all the time.
The good news is that when we feel less conflicted, we restore our sense of time.
A study suggests two simple strategies to reduce the pressure of competing goals:
1. Taking slow deep breaths
2. Reframing anxiety as excitement
Doing things for others and meditation can also reduce what Bob Roth (vice president of the transcendental meditation David Lynch Foundation) calls the “Gotta mind” i.e. “I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I gotta go there, I gotta…etc…”
We tend to blame our busy lives but the hurry may be in our heads. Try one of these strategies to slow down. The only thing you have to lose is time.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Jane Hertzmark Hudis
Multi-tasker, mother and New Yorker. The Group President at The Estée Lauder Companies is being honored on May 8 with an Outstanding Mother of the Year award from the National Mother’s Day Council. See what else makes this business beauty maven tick.
Do You Talk Too Much?
I may listen for a living but, like most people, I can become a Chatty Cathy very quickly. Talking a lot is tempting but it can also be toxic.
An article by Dr. Mark Goulston, provides some practical advice on when to talk and when to zip it. He recommends obeying the Traffic Light Rule:
“In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. So the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds — now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded.
At the 40-second mark, your light is red. Yes, there’s an occasional time you want to run that red light and keep talking, but the vast majority of the time, you’d better stop or you’re in danger.”
If you’re not good at keeping time, pay attention to your partner’s eyes. If they’re rolling it’s probably a sign to stop talking.
Following the Traffic Light Rule is challenging – trust me, I’m working on it, too.
As the old saying goes:
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
Is Your Cellphone Turning Your High-Impact Workout into a No-Impact Workout?
If you want to make the most of your time at the gym, leave your phone in the locker. Studies show that texting and talking on the phone reduces the intensity of your workout. Not only do you burn fewer calories when engrossed in your device, your balance is off too. Texting reduces stability by a staggering 45%, and chitchatting reduces stability by 19%.
Leave your smartphone in your gym bag—you’ll get a better workout, and you’re less likely to fall off the treadmill.
I wish you all the best,
Dr. Samantha Boardman
