Did Your Mother Ever Tell You To Sit Up Straight?

Did your mother ever tell you to sit up straight? Yet again, she was right. In addition to making you look more attractive, feel more confident and boosting memory, studies show that how we sit influences how we respond to stress.

Participants in a study were divided into two groups. One group sat in a slumped position while the other group sat upright. Next, all of them were exposed to a stressful situation. The results showed that those who sat up straight fared better than the slouchers. In addition to reporting a better mood, higher self-esteem and less fear, the upright participants were more likely to use positive words to describe their experience. Overall, they felt stronger and less overwhelmed. In comparison, the slouchers felt more anxiety, hostile, fearful and sluggish.

Sitting up straight was protective—it didn’t allow the stress to get to them the same way it got to the slouchers.

Related research further demonstrates the power of posture. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist and professor at Harvard Business School, advises women MBA students to un-cross their legs and arms and to sit up straight. “Be as big as you are,” she tells them. Her research shows how sitting upright with two feet on the ground and outstretched arms influences hormones that have a positive impact on how you feel.

Bottom line: I am not a big fan of sitting down (I work at a stand-up desk, I have walking meetings and avoid chairs as much as possible) so I don’t exactly have a leg to stand on when it comes to sitting. That said, if and when you do need to sit down, sit up straight. It’s a simple strategy to reduce stress.

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

33 Things I Will Tell My Daughter

Do you spend enough time with your children? This question haunts many busy parents, including me. It is based on the assumption that the more time we put in today, the better off they will be in the future. Research challenges this assumption. It’s how you spend your time together, not how much, that has the biggest impact. Quality time counts more than quantity.

It takes a lot to raise a child but as Regina Brett beautifully points out, boy, is it worth it:

“What do you get for your money? Naming rights. First, middle and last. Glimpses of God every day. Giggles under the covers every night. More love than your heart can hold. Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. A hand to hold, usually covered with jam …”

Make the moments count this Mother’s Day and every day.

1. At least twice a day you must always do these three things: wash your face, brush your teeth wash your hands.

2. Family includes all the people who genuinely love you and care for you unconditionally.

3. Stand tall and sit up straight.

4. Everyone has flaws. Nobody is perfect. That is why I will teach you about science and your father will teach you how to drive.

5. When in doubt, wear a nice dress.

6. Always use your manners.

7. The point of exercise is to be healthy and to have fun.

8. Never begin a question with “this may sound dumb but….”

9. Your heart will be broken but that does not mean you will be.

10. Love alone is not enough. You have to work at it.

11. Your GPA isn’t a reflection of your value or actual intelligence.

12. Treat everyone you meet with respect. There is no difference between the janitor and the boss.

13. You cannot make someone love you.

14. Be generous and tip big.

15. Never underestimate the power of looking good.

16. Wear sunscreen, even in the winter.

17. You do not have to always be nice, but please always be kind.

18. People will let you down. Forgive them and move on.

19. Say what you mean. No beating around the bush.

20. Remember this: science is really cool.

21. Put thought into all gifts.

22. Be nimble. Give yourself permission to change and adapt.

23. Sleep is the best beauty treatment.

24. At least once a week, do something that feels “un-you.”

25. Practice the art of listening.

26. Have a bad day backup plan.

27. Seek advice but make your own decisions.

28. Make time for your friends and family.

29. When you have an opinion, always have a reason for it. “Because” doesn’t count.

30. Do not take medical advice from the internet.

31. Send a hand-written letter once a week to someone you love. A postcard counts.

32. Cultivate purpose by doing things for others and with others.

33. Learn how to change your own tires.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Gigi Mortimer

Gigi Mortimer, Founder of EyeJust & current Director of Design Inspiration at Tory Burch, has combined her passions of science, accessories, health, and wellness to banish harmful blue light with screen protectors for your iPhone and iPad.

Do You Have a Ghost Life?

Do you ever wonder about your unlived life? Do you ever wonder about the life you might have had? I have a patient, S, who was obsessed with her unlived life, her “ghost life,” as she called it.  She constantly thought about what would have happened if she had married a different man, if she had continued to practice law, if she had moved to Italy after college, and so on.

She was full of “What ifs…” “What if I had said no when Jack proposed?” “What if I had insisted on moving to the country?”

Looking back on what could have been or should have been was a constant source of angst, a thorn in her side. She was always second guessing herself. If only she had made a different decision, she believed, she might have been happier. She loved her husband and she knew she had a “good life” but she couldn’t help but wonder, “What if….”      

I was concerned that the relentless comparison of the life she had to the one she almost had was bordering on obsessive and unhealthy.  It seemed like a particularly unforgiving and self-flagellating strain of self-comparison. Her concern about what she was missing out on was eclipsing everything else. It was FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) on steroids.

I did my best to guide S’ attention toward the goods thing in her life. I suggested she keep a gratitude list. I encouraged loving kindness meditation. We explored the fantasies of her unlived life. None of it helped loosen its hold on her. I needed a different approach.

I had heard about a book by psychoanalyst Adam Phillips, Missing Out, and found it to be illuminating. Rather than letting go of our unlived lives, Phillips encourages us to make peace with them and to learn from them:

“Our fantasy lives are not—or not necessarily—alternatives to, or refuges from those real lives, but an essential part of them….So we may need to think of ourselves as always living a double life, the one that we wish for, and the one that we practice; the one that never happens and the one that keeps happening.”

It is through our frustrations, he argues, that we can begin to understand what we truly want. By revealing what we long for and dream about, our unlived lives can bring us closer to what we value most and, ultimately, make the lives we have more satisfying.

I gave S a copy of the book too. Instead of endlessly mourning the life she didn’t have, she began to think of her ghost life as a tool to help her figure out what she could do differently in her current life. She had come to therapy to get away from the recurrent fantasies of an unlived life. It made her feel guilty and incomplete. It made her question her choices. She no longer felt this way. She told me, “I realize, my ghost life is just that—a ghost. It’s not here to frighten me or lead me astray. It is just passing by.”

I came across a beautiful observation about our unlived lives by author Cheryl Strayed that echoes S’s sentiment:

“I’ll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”

― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from…

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Makeup Mismanagement

Ancient Egyptians used copper, lead and malachite to color and define their faces and kohl to line their eyes. Ancient Greeks used crushed mulberries as rouge, oxen hair as fake eyelashes, and clay mixed with red iron as lipstick. During the Middle Ages, Europeans applied carbonate, hydroxide, and lead oxide as foundation.

Indeed, since the beginning of time women have been adorning their faces and bodies to make themselves more beautiful. Over the course of their lifetimes today, most women will spend approximately $13,000 on beauty products and one year and three months applying makeup. The question is why are women doing this and, more importantly, is it worth the time and money?

study sheds light on these questions. Researchers asked test subjects to rate the attractiveness of women with varying degrees of makeup. The results showed that both men and women prefer faces with less makeup – bad news for fans of a “more is more” look.

Given that a natural look is preferred by both genders, why do some women apply so much makeup? The study’s lead scientists attribute this to misperception. When test participants were asked what they believe men prefer, they found that women mistakenly assumed men prefer women who wear more makeup. According to the researchers:

These results suggest that women are likely wearing cosmetics to appeal to the mistaken preferences of others.

As the study shows, too much makeup isn’t appealing. It may even be sending the wrong message: that you are trying too hard, have too much time on your hands, or are trying to hide something. Furthermore, it might even be making you look older.

Makeup can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if you’re ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up. ~ Audrey Hepburn

I wish you all the best,

Dr. Samantha Boardman